Abstract Haus

reasons

2011-05-12T08:08:00.000+08:00

I just realized (again) a week ago how life is short and how bizarre people think about life.

Maybe I am right when I say that every emotion we feel is a choice.

But how long can you keep choosing when you know you're battling with yourself, mostly your heart?

The answer: reasons

You go on because you know you're far better than this.

You smile because you know you deserve to be happy.

You think because you know this is something to be learned.

You give yourself a break because you're worth it.

You let go because you know this is holding you down.

You live your life because there are other people that give a damn.

You keep yourself together because you know there is hope, you've seen this before, you'll see it again.

You pick yourself up because you can.

So for the confused, the weary, the fainthearted, the loveless, the desperate, the hopeless, and all other the's you can think of...hold on and live for your reasons.

2011 materialistic wishlist

2011-01-02T16:58:00.001+08:00

1. Underwater camera - Pentax WS80 / Canon D10
2. Camiguin - CDO trip
3. Pinatubo trek trip
4. Samsung Galaxy Tab
5. SoFA short course on renovation
6. Olympus PL-1
7. Trip to Thailand / HK
8. Tom's
9. permanent blow dry
10. domain name for travel blog
11. a new laptop (my netbook may be small but it doesn't have enough memory)
12. a shop for my business
13. Tagaytay / Antipolo weekends as breather
14. car
15. driver's license
16. whole new wardrobe
17. Anti Stress Mind Repair
18. new house near the office
19. business supplies
20. laser tag
21. go kart
22. bump cars
23. monthly photoshoots
24. videography course
25. more beach trips

Nuffnang and HEAVEN Ice Cream invite you to a special screening of ‘SALT’

2010-07-24T11:34:00.003+08:00

Divine ice cream pleasure is HEAVEN Ice Cream.

Give in to the richest, smoothest, and creamiest by NESTLÉ Ice Cream. Revel in the exquisite goodness of its four sophisticated flavors---Belgian Chocolate Bliss, Strawberry Dream, Vanilla Almond Secret and Butter Pecan Obsession. HEAVEN Ice Cream is made with only the finest ingredients and contains no artificial food colors. Available in 800mL(Php 175) & 450mL(Php 115) tubs across supermarkets, groceries, and convenience stores nationwide.

memories again

2010-04-13T18:45:00.001+08:00

March 29 - The gang's all back in Mogwai... oh yeah :)

*photo by Grace

April 2 -- our yearly Visita Iglesia

April 8 - Day 1 of Boracay trip --Dad's first time

greeted by this beautiful sunset when we entered the beach area walking from our resort - Sitio Boracay.

April 9 - Buruanga - the next Boracay

Eventually, they say, it would get too crowded in mainland Boracay so places like this around would be the next tourist destination...

April 10 - We love playing in the water -- Flyfish and Helmet Diving are fun but so tiring. :)

April 11 - Nothing beats wrapping a very tiring and scary plane ride home than eating. We ate at Kanin Club in Technohub. This is one of their specialties... a surprising Sinigang cooked like a Sinangag :)

memorable days

2010-03-14T05:37:00.001+08:00

I'll try to recall some days I missed... :crossing fingers:

Feb 7 -- workout / Kiss The Cook day

February 14 -- Chocolate Kiss brunch / Valentine's Day

February 18 -- my baby, Canon, rose from the dead :D (here's one of its sample shot when I got it from the shop)

February 19 - 22 -- Baguio

February 26 - 28 -- Cebu

March 9 -- Banana Walnut pancake is LOVE

March 12 -- warming up to my local Starbucks

February

2010-02-03T09:31:00.000+08:00

Hopefully I get to start clean. :D wishhhhhh...

February 1

Day 32 - New method

February 2

Day 33 - Ice Cream Night

c/o of the boss. Thank You! :D

23-31

2010-02-03T09:04:00.000+08:00

January 23

Day 23 - OT -Y

Went to work just for the heck of it...and a few backlogs on the side. That's Aizel doing the copytest. :D

January 24

Day 24 - Sticky Fam day

Went to the zoo, ate gelatto, Technohub, and then dinner at Maginhawa St. (Roberta's Seafood Cantina - love Roberta's Spring Rolls)

January 25

Day 25 - Looks like a good year, don't you think?

January 26

Day 26 - For the love of movies

Went to a video store after eons of years. It's kinda nostalgic to see VHS and laserdiscs.

January 27

Day 27 - internet on the go

Asus - Visibility link is alive again. Hurrah.

January 28

Day 28 - Where's the rest of the days

Noticed the wallpaper of my seat neighbor... funny. :D

January 29

Day 29 - Tagaytay lovin

Went to Tagaytay for the love of these tarts. Also loving Cliffhouse. :D

January 30

Day 30 - play Saturday

Finally! Hope to do this every weekend.

January 31

Day 31 - would you believe this pair is just P200 and its new. :D

16-22

2010-01-23T07:08:00.000+08:00

January 16

Day 16 - TV Debut

My mom as seen in GMA 7's early mass, one fine day. Funny and cute that my relatives abroad saw her...and we didn't. :D

Other events:
*Medical City before going home from an overnight

January 17

Day 17 - Ginataan

I dunno what this is called really, but I miss eating those soft "bilo-bilo". :D

January 18

Day 18 - more weird stuff

We have all sorts of cute stuff lying on our desks.This cute match is from Sham's Austria trip. And no, this is not a camera trick.

January 19

Day 19 - goodbye old phones

I have this weird thing about gadgets just sitting around the house so I said goodbye to some of my stuff. They will be missed. ;(

January 20

Day 20 - Mile-Hi Diner

Average or maybe a notch lower.

January 21

Day 21 - Change has come...

Meeting about developments at work.

Other events:
* watched Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus - the weirdest

January 22

Day 22 - back in the habit

After a long hiatus, played Mafia Wars again. The downside, I think this game will never end, a new country keeps popping every now and then.

11-15

2010-01-16T15:02:00.000+08:00

January 11

Day 11 is all about finally being able to bite into that much anticipated Philly Cheese maki in T-Boy. Too much cheese. blah.

January 12

Day 12 - Plants Vs. Zombies

My hobby during early work hours (which is everyday). I'm still in level 2. nggaar. But I love the Zen Garden, and Crazy Dave :D

January 13

Day 13 - Notes by the second shifters.

I miss the afternoon riot. :?

January 14

Day 14 - A crazy day in Room 165

Visited Ann's dad and talked for hours about drawing plans and stuff. :F hehehe. I miss my friends.

January 15

Day 15 (daytime)- waiting for the eclipse

...equals blinded by the sun. :D

Day 15 (night time) - Jill's birdee dinner

crazy night to celebrate Jill's 24th year.

Day 10

2010-01-10T16:24:00.000+08:00

January 10

Day 10 - The Love Quota

Still trying to finish "Para Kay B" by Ricky Lee which I borrowed from my officemate (I'm such a slow readerrrr...)

I want to share this quote from the second story, which is actually the theme of the whole book...

Ito ang Teorya ng Writer:

"Me quota ang pag-ibig. Sa bawat limang umiibig, isa lang ang magiging maligaya. Ang iba iibig sa di sila iniibig. O iibig ng di natututo. O iibig sa wala. O di iibig kailanman."

Day 6 to 9

2010-01-10T00:56:00.000+08:00

January 6

Day 6: Pink Day

For some unknown reason, we were all wearing pink..probably coz its Breast Cancer Awareness Month? :D

January 7

Day 7: Ice Cream Buffet Thursday / coffee with the BW pakners

Tried the ice cream buffet at The Ice Cream Bar in Joya Street, Rockwell. Me and my friend had 7-8 scoops each. According to a source, that's beyond the average consumption which is just 3 scoops. Uh-oh :F The buffet's only running til next week so go check it out (starts from 5pm to midnight).

After, went to Starbucks Gateway to riot with Franch B. and Gracie :D Love! :D

January 8

Day 8: Half-Day

Had to go home early coz I'm all woozy already. Blame insomnia+early worktime+anemia.Or maybe my desk's just too disorganized, hahaha :/

January 9

Day 9: Antipolo love

Spent half of the day chilling in Antipolo with my shoot buddy. Had to stay for the magnificent citylights. This shot is from the viewdeck of HillStop.

3,4,5

2010-01-05T18:27:00.000+08:00

January 3

Day 3: The boy called "choychoy"

His first time in the Banana Road lair. :D

January 4

Day 4: Ice cream saves my world

Coz life is better served with ice cream especially if your all over --heart, body, and soul -- aches so bad.

January 5

Day 5: The cellphone trick

Thanks to my officemate, I learned this new trick. This trick works on Nokia phones that doesn't have a camera :D

January 2

2010-01-03T16:17:00.000+08:00

Day 2 -- Risse's Birthday

A yearly early excuse to get together with my closest cousins...Risse's birthday. Actually Risse is not my cousin but my niece but we feel like we are cousins so there :D

Project 365

2010-01-03T10:44:00.000+08:00

I figured my Twitter/Plurk and Multiply won't be as dramatic so I had to create a blog solely for this purpose.

I wanted to start this project as early as November last year since so many things pushed me to try to remember my life then, however, laziness always get the best of me.

I'm hoping I'll be able to finish the whole year and do this sacredly everyday.

anyhooo

January 1

Day 1 -- The first seconds of 2010

I honestly have mixed feelings about this year, but the feeling is mainly hope that things would be more stable and favorable. I'm wishing everybody would have a good year too since a lot of tragedies hit us in 2009.

I spent this day with family -- Totor's house for the New Year's eve, my cousin's house during the day and our family's third/fourth home, Trinoma :D

Unusual...

2009-10-18T01:00:00.005+08:00

watched this kanina:

for a high school movie, this is matured. And for a pimply protagonist, Funke is kinda cute. :D

:D

2009-10-15T00:04:00.001+08:00

SMART UNLI PROMO

2009-10-10T10:48:00.002+08:00

Dahil I hate Globe so much for killing my sim's ability to receive any messages

(*11pm-7am)

ONLY P20 PLUS 20 FREE TEXTS ALL DAY**
For SMART to SMART **7am-11pm

To Register: Load as low as P20 to your prepaid line,
then Type 20 on Send to 258

You will receive a confirmation message of your registration.
You may now make unlimited overnight texts to other SMART subscribers for 2 days.

To enjoy SMART 258 Reload, your account must have a maintaining balance of P1.00 after registration and during the 2-day (text) period.

ALSO AVAILABLE! UNLIMITED TEXT ALL DAY!

P15 for 1 day*
To register, load as low as P15 to your prepaid line
Registration is from 9am to 5pm and 11pm to 6am only

Type 15 and send to 258

You will receive a confirmation message of your registration.
You may now make unlimited text to other SMART subscribers for 1 day.

P30 for 2 days*
To register, load as low as P30 to your prepaid line
Registration is from 9am to 5pm and 11pm to 6am only

Type 30 and send to 258

You will receive a confirmation message of your registration.
You may now make unlimited text to other SMART subscribers for 2 days.

P60 for 4 days*
To register, load as low as P60 to your prepaid line
Registration is from 9am to 5pm and 11pm to 6am only

Type 60 and send to 258

You will receive a confirmation message of your registration.
You may now make unlimited text to other SMART subscribers for 4 days.

Answer

2009-10-09T03:23:00.000+08:00

A song from Sarah Mclachlan :D

I will be the answer
At the end of the line
I will be there for you
While you take the time
In the burning of uncertainty
I will be your solid ground
I will hold the balance
If you can't look down

If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all gone out
You'll still be burning so bright

Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind
Take me to a
Place so holy
That I can wash this from my mind
The memory of choosing not to fight

If it takes my whole life
I won't break, I won't bend
It will all be worth it
Worth it in the end
'Cause I can only tell you what I know
That I need you in my life
When the stars have all burned out
You'll still be burning so bright

Cast me gently
Into morning
For the night has been unkind

Forgiveness

2009-10-03T14:37:00.003+08:00

I saw this touching video

When deep injury is done to us, we never recover until we forgive...
Forgiveness does not change the past. But it does enlarge the future

-Mary Karen Read

Who is Mary Karen Read?

Mary Karen Read is just one of the 32 people who were shot dead at two locations on the Virginia Tech university campus in 2007. At least 30 of them were killed by 23-year-old Cho Seung-hui.

Mary Karen Read, a 19-year-old freshman majoring in interdisciplinary studies, was best known for her smile. It even earned her an award.

"She actually won 'Best Smile' for the band superlatives during senior year," said Jessica Berrios, 19, a former classmate at Annandale High School in Virginia. "She always had a smile on her face, and she was always giggling, especially with her best friends. Even during times of stress, she always had a smile on her face."

Ms. Berrios said Ms. Read played clarinet and wanted to become an elementary school teacher. She also loved baking. "I loved it when she baked cookies because they were heavenly," Ms. Berrios said.

Amy Mathis, another former classmate, called Ms. Read "a warm and friendly person," who stood out in a class of about 500 students.

"She was always inclusive. She was a beautiful person that way," said Ms. Mathis, a freshman at the University of Richmond. "She never really meant to exclude anyone. She was always that girl you could talk to even if you hadn't talked to her in a while. That was one of her best traits and it separated her from a lot of people. She never really put up a wall."

Ms. Mathis said the news of Ms. Read's death shook everyone in her town.

"When it happened to her it seemed to happen to the whole Annandale community," she said. "She was, I think, one of the more pivotal people in our class, a strong representative of who we were."

A poem was posted at the top of a Facebook page created in her memory -- and of course, it revolved around her award-winning smile.

"Mary was a beautiful person/Her smile made the sun's beauty envious She was a great friend/a gorgeous angel/and she is in heaven/watching over us."

Sources:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/6564075.stm

http://topics.nytimes.com/topics/reference/timestopics/people/r/mary_karen_read/index.html

Selfishness, the perfect one

2009-10-01T02:06:00.002+08:00

I got this from Ping Medina's blog

Strawberry Shortcake: How to Love a Woman (and All You Will Ever Need To Know)
[Jan. 14th, 2009|11:45 am]

From page 100 of Haruki Murakami's "Norwegian Wood", my 2nd favorite book from the author. :)

“… So I made up my mind I was going to find someone who would love me unconditionally three hundred and sixty-five days a year. I was still in elementary school at that time — fifth or sixth grade — but I made up my mind once and for all.”

“Wow,” I said. “And did your search pay off?”

“That’s the hard part,” said Midori. She watched the rising smoke for a while, thinking. “I guess I’ve been waiting so long I’m looking for perfection. That makes it tough.“

“Waiting for the perfect love?”

“No, even I know better than that. I’m looking for selfishness. Perfect selfishness. Like, say I tell you I want to eat strawberry shortcake. And you stop everything you’re doing and run out and buy it for me. And you come back out of breath and get down on your knees and hold this strawberry shortcake out to me. And I say I don’t want it anymore and throw it out the window. That’s what I’m looking for.”

“I’m not sure that has anything to do with love,” I said with some amazement.

“It does,” she said. “You just don’t know it. There are times in a girl’s life when things like that are incredibly important.”

“Things like throwing strawberry shortcake out the window?”

“Exactly. And when I do it, I want the man to apologize to me. ‘Now I see, Midori. What a fool I’ve been! I should have known that you would lose your desire for strawberry shortcake. I have all the intelligence and sensitivity of a piece of donkey shit. To make it up to you, I’ll go out and buy you something else. What would you like? Chocolate mousse? Cheesecake?’”

“So then what.”

“So then I’d give him all the love he deserves for what he’s done.”

------------------------------

Back then I had the perfect selfishness in mind. I figured people had to work so hard to deserve someone. I kinda admit I'm guilty of making lives miserable.

But now that I'm 23 and gravity has pulled me enough, I think I am now the girl who'll ask for nothing, not even a strawberry shortcake. And even if I ask for one, I want it for sharing.

And its amazing that even if I'm already the opposite, things still doesn't fit.

People always leave

2009-10-01T01:29:00.001+08:00

and as usual there are people who always get left behind.

never underestimate.

2009-09-27T19:54:00.004+08:00

That's the lesson I learned yesterday.

Typhoon Ondoy started out as a drizzle and a "harmless" rain. After a few hours, thousand of lives were destroyed.

This was the scene outside our office yesterday. We actually got amused coz we haven't seen a flood for many years now. The real wake-up call was when we saw how high the water really was. A house in one of the side streets of ABS already sank in floodwater. The whole afternoon was more like a time of reflection. We never felt more homesick our entire lives. Some even had to sleep in the office. I was lucky enough that I could crash in Greenhills, nearer than Malabon. EDSA was already passable as of 9pm.

Back to Malabon afternoon today. No more traffic. And the lights fortunately went on right at the second we arrived. Just a few steps from our house, just a wall dividing us from the other street...people are swimming in flood.

I am forever thankful that my family's safe but a big part of me is still for people out there, still stranded and who hasn't eaten for two days now. I am still fearful for my friends living in flood devastated areas who I haven't heard from til now.

I'm praying everyone's safe.

These are the numbers you can call if you want to help:

SAGIP KAPAMILYA: For donations:# 13 Examiner St. West Triangle, Quezon City Warehouse tel. no: +632-413-2667

For more info: http://www.sagipkapamilya.com/index.php?page=don

RESCUE: http://www.gmanews.tv/story/173224/disaster-emergency-hotlines-you-can-call-911-1873-912-5296-912-2665

KAPUSO Foundation:

2/F GMA Kapuso Center Samar St. cor. 11th Jamboree St. Diliman, Quezon City 1103, PhilippinesContact Nos: (632) 9827777loc. 9901/9904/9905632) 9289351 and (632) 9284299 (telefax numbers)

RED CROSS: http://www.redcross.org.ph/Site/PNRC/wtd.aspx

I hope this serves a lesson for all of us to start thinking of the future, amidst a world threatened by global warming. We must never think that the world still has a few months or years to survive. We should always think that anything can happen. And we must always act as soon as possible.

last thought

2009-09-22T01:00:00.001+08:00

XOXO

2009-09-12T11:57:00.005+08:00

We saw a couple playing XOXO while smoking last night...natuwa lang ako.

anyhooo...despite the weirdness of things, generally I'm pretty happy with my life right now...it's been a long time... I think I deserve this moment... :D

life plan

2009-09-05T12:35:00.004+08:00

thanks to Wordle

revival

2009-08-31T01:22:00.003+08:00

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end - Semisonic

I think I'll have to resort to something I wrote when I was still a little sane enough to be poet-ish

Of Holiness and My Existence
april 14, 2006

Life may never leave me empty

but is life offering me the right things?

Am i doing the right things?

Or just following my instincts?

Instincts that somehow doesnt work all the time

I try to believe that they do...

but you always show me that I'm wrong...

and I end up sinking lower and lower till I can't find the strength to get up again..

I sink..I rise a little..I sink deeper..

Again and again..

And as I continue

Yes, I stil have an inch of courage to...

and another face arises

another face with uncertain purpose..

will you finally tell me to go ahead,

because you're finally looking at the right thing

and you're right in time..at the right place...

But I won't force it...

I'll let you drive me wherever

and if my moment is still far away..

just be with me..

every single time...

everyday of my life..

I won't trust my instincts anymore..

I'll trust you this time...

sunset

2009-08-31T01:07:00.003+08:00

mince my words with this as background music:

The last time I'll ever think about things
hopefully I get to keep it.

The last time I'll say your name over and over
between sleeping and the waking hours
like an addict
like a madman
ever so stubborn and foolish.

The last time I'll wish
that things will get better

Coz I know
when I step out
finally...
with all of me...

Everything would be.

A thousand new dreams to make.
Millions of seconds to recover.
There's no turning back.
Let this chapter be over.

Bigote

2009-08-31T00:59:00.000+08:00

something I got from email (sent by issuesandpolitics@gmail.com):

Bigote
29 August 2009

It is pretty futile for Joseph Estrada to deny that anyone called him by the nickname “Bigote.”

I’m sure no one called him that in his face. I am also sure that when he was President, all his underlings referred to him by that fond nickname.

In the same manner, all of Fidel Ramos’ underlings referred to him as “Tabako” when he was President. I am sure no one called him that in his face. It was like a code-name that was not at all secret — like corporate executives are referred to, with great deference, by their initials.

Strangely, no one referred to Ramos as “Tabako” or Estrada as “Bigote” after they left the presidency. Ramos was henceforth referred to as “FVR” and Estrada was simply “Erap.”

There must be some sociological explanation for that. Perhaps people used these slightly derogatory nicknames to signal they were in the loop or were familiar with those who were.

Estrada’s denial was prompted by the mention of a certain “Bigote” in that controversial affidavit submitted by Cezar Mancao, who appears to know who might be responsible for the Dacer-Corbito double-murder incident. In all fairness, Mancao did not clearly state that this “Bigote” ordered the murders done. But he did suggest that the murders were done to possibly please him.

Rather than deny that anyone called him “Bigote”, a rather flimsy defense, Estrada should deny that he had a hand in the grisly crime. After all, in the Mancao affidavit, “Bigote” enters the picture only in the third person. He is name-dropped rather than directly implicated.

The equally controversial former police officer Reynaldo Berroya did volunteer the opinion that it was out of Estrada’s character to order a murder. Perhaps his name — or rather, his nickname — was invoked by underlings with a penchant for murdering people.

Berroya should know whereof he speaks. He was a close associate of Estrada. More than that, he was a drinking crony of the man who would be president — albeit for an abbreviated term.

Berroya also knows well a certain Panfilo Lacson, former police chief and now senator. He has had a rather public tiff with the senator who now feels he is being implicated in the twin murders. As an indication of that, he has put out political ads saying the accusations are politically motivated.

Those ads are a little strange. They seem to be an attempt to settle the serious accusations in the court of public opinion rather than in the court of law, where evidence is more rigorously appraised.

Berroya has nothing to gain by volunteering to clear Estrada of involvement in the gruesome crime. He is simply expressing his judgment based on a reading of character. By doing so, the former police intelligence official is also suggesting the crime was committed under the former president’s nose by people invoking his name to make a beastly act seem authoritative.

It is not too hard to agree with Berroya’s estimate of Estrada’s character. The former president is given to making nasty remarks that are often uncalled for. But that is part of a cultivated public persona rather than a measure of man’s real personality.

Those who have known Estrada up close quickly understand that there is a bit of a child-man in this character. He is always in search of fun, relishing the good time and rather easy to forgive anyone who might have aggrieved him.

His is not a hard soul. He is certainly not the type to order the murder of his friends.

Those responsible for the Dacer-Corbito murders have poisoned souls. They think little about terminating lives — or about ruining people. They are obsessed with the face of death.

Which, I might easily agree with Berroya’s assessment, is not the sort of person Estrada is.

But Estrada should improve on his defense in the light of the Mancao affidavit. He should go beyond that flimsy disclaimer that no one calls him “Bigote.”

Nor should he do a Lacson and dismiss the Mancao affidavit as nothing more than a political hatchet job. Two men were killed. Their remains were burned. Their bones ground to make identification difficult. The men who did this did not only have motive and means. They also had the leisure to attempt to destroy all evidence of the crime.

In fact, we were told by the lawyers of one of the possible defendants that no one may be convicted for this crime — simply because the bodies of the supposed murder victims could not be produced. That is a satanically bizarre thing to say.

Estrada may not be complicit in this crime. But he is such an undisciplined person it is easy to believe that he could never have disciplined his underlings.

His best defense is to say this. Then go on to tell us what he knows of those troubled days when Dacer and Corbito were abducted and killed. Surely he must have an inkling of who might have done the gruesome deed.

He has everything to lose by simply muttering that no one calls him “Bigote.” He has everything to gain by being forthright about whatever information he might be privy to. The murders happened during his watch and should not be left to endless speculation as it stands to be yet another unexplained political killing. (end)

No stopping now

2009-08-27T13:12:00.001+08:00

I noticed tonight that the world has been turning
While I've been stuck here dithering around
Well I know I said I'd wait around till you need me
But I have to go, I hate to let you down
But I can't stop now
I've got troubles of my own
Cause I'm short on time
I'm lonely
And I'm too tired to talk

I noticed tonight that the world has been turning
While I've been stuck here withering away
Well I know I said I wouldn't leave you behind
But I have to go, it breaks my heart to say

That I can't stop now
I've got troubles of my own
Cause I'm short on time
I'm lonely
And I'm too tired to talk

No one back home
I've got troubles of my own
And I can't slow down
For no one in town
And I can't stop now

And I can't slow down
For no one in town
And I can't stop now
For no one

Emotion keeps my heart on me
Emotion keeps my heart on me
Emotion keeps my heart on me
Emotion keeps my heart on me

just like a music video

2009-08-26T07:06:00.001+08:00

in an attempt to revive my ideal side I would try to make things up:

Part 1: Mornings

A few mornings I wake up thinking about lots of things. While tossing and turning in my bed, pretending to sleep when I know I'm widely awake I wonder how my high school reunion would turn out, if we'll ever have one. I'm wondering how I'll approach someone or actually act normal in front of someone I've been dying to see but unfortunately is not included in my "its a small world" group. I wonder If I'll be able to drive my dream car -- a red and white or a solid black vintage mini cooper -- and would carnappers get off my back if I do. I however will stop when I realize I screwed up again big time. Darn it, I was careless enough to be myself again without thinking about other people.

I would like to believe that I'm a good person but like any normal (I think) individual, I screw things up without knowing it. Well in some cases I know, but in most cases I was just being me, honest. Sometimes I wish I could lie to not hurt anyone anymore or maybe even better, I wish I could be sensitive enough at times when it is badly needed rather than on events it is really unnecessary.

I've dreamt of getting a shrink one day, when I'm independent enough to make that act. My family thinks its a big joke but I think it would help me a lot. I just feel like a professional can untagle the messed up wires I have in me. I cannot do it alone, like how I cannot really impose spirituality and discipline in some cases.

As i sit in front of this computer, typing away, and making a good excuse and maneuver to fix things up, I wonder if other people are thinking the same or I'm just weird this way.

and then I eat.

unexpectedly...

2009-08-25T02:15:00.006+08:00

Got to watch the Time Traveler's Wife. Didn't enjoy it as much as the trailer. They couldv've gotten better actors, but despite the depth of emotions, it didn't fail to hit me with its best shot while nearing the end of the movie.

To give the story a second chance, I am now reading the book. I must say I'm loving the first few pages.

The lines that instantly hit me involved the discussion of the feeling of being left alone (the one who stays) and leaving (the one who has to go)...

Like any other love story its always easy to symphatize with the one who got left behind. We always root for the underdog.

But what does it feel like to leave?

For some its a feeling of freedom while its a burden especially if you're doing it as a sacrifice. Sometimes leaving causes more pain since you're risking yourself to uncertainty. It's also hard to explain your actions since some actions really can't be described by words especially if caused by an abstract thing.

But I think both parties get hurt as much especially if they care and love each other deep enough.

Yep, it all comes back to Tinkerbells (those who wait in vain) and Peter Pans (time travelers).

Anyhoo my dad and I had an unexpected foodtrip in Marikina awhile ago while Kombi hunting (for the lack of a son, I'm thinking my dad is thanking the world that I love vintage cars coz I'm a freakin old soul)

intermission: I saw a Mustang and Corvette in the shop too...droooool...

You won't miss it coz the facade's pretty hard to ignore.

The sandwiches and other food are so cheap. This mega-sized pandesal with chicken costs P25 (other restos would probably sell this for P50)

Photo contest for the night for me and MG while wasting time in Shang:

raindrops

and the winner is:

hahahahaha!

for this year's Ninoy Aquino Day

2009-08-21T00:33:00.009+08:00

Two decades ago this is how an exiled father would talk to his only son:

Today, there are no exiles but the words are still familiar. I wonder how much micro organism from fastfood joints did we gulp for us to forget the love for our country? How many hours of internet and games and entertainment have we immersed ourselves into to forget the sacrifices of other people just for the democracy we are enjoying now?

How many kaching and sweet atm withdrawal machine sound do we have to hear to say that I'll do my country some good this time, I've had my share of the local economy...?

I wonder if other people did their usual things and not care... will our lives...your life...mine, and other people...would be as fine?

I have my own gameplan...it may not be through the streets but I know I'll get there someday and I'll help the country in my own little way...I hope everyone else is thinking the same...But honestly, being in the street stirs up your patriotism so its always a good place to get some inspiration. :D

Now that the EDSA icons are dead, Cory, Cardinal Sin...who will we look up to for strength for direction? I am not as familiar with the EDSA Revolution before since I wasn't fully aware of things yet despite being born already...but as I've heard the people just stormed the streets...unguided by advanced technology and media since the local scene is controlled. It's weird that now we have all the technology, we are more lazy to show our gameface.

I cannot blame Noynoy for saying in television interviews that he is not a super martyr who'll sacrifice everything for deomcracy like his dad, and then leave his son the same fate (if ever he'll have one) after another decade or two.

How many Aquinos do we have to sacrifice? and is it even their responsibility in the first place? shouldn't we all chip in for the country's sake? After all there are around 90 million Pinoys according to NSO's estimate.

The ball is now in our hands, let's not spoil our chance.

pictures from: http://www.noynoy.ph/

Combi Day 7

2009-08-20T16:34:00.002+08:00

day 7...its coming to life

ecstatic!!! :D

when I'm dead

2009-08-20T14:48:00.006+08:00

My ex-boss posted this article in his Facebook notes

Time Article here

And it also got me thinking what will happen to my accounts when I die. I always think that I'll be dying from a disease which will slowly eat me...and then I will have more time to entrust my best friend my last letters to be sent out, passwords and stuff.

I dunno if she'll agree with that burden. I hope she does.

I remember my mom telling me a story when a student of theirs died. He was still young and he gave his brother or he left an Ultimate Warrior (yes from WWF) action figure in his room, inside a box covered in black art paper.

Before, I used to keep letters under my bed. It usually contains a lot of secret stuff like my personal journal and letters, things given to me. Now that I've burned it...that's settled.

My blog and sites: Not that I expect them to continue posting here and my Facebook. I guess it'll just disappear like a bubble into thin air or Facebook would sense that I am deceased and they'll put me on memorial profiles.

My stuff: my clothes would probably end up with my ate (actually even if i'm still breathing my clothes are still with her) my paintings...I'm hoping they'll be sold by then and the proceeds be given to charity...I actually don't have anything valuable to be taken cared of as of now...

funeral service: I don't want to be cremated unless they get all dramatic and throw me out to the sea. I would like my songs (future compositions) to be played to soothe people....an avp of good times and an exhibit of my works.

I guess what I really want is for people I cared about know that I care even in the afterlife...and that even if I'm dead they'll still be able to find comfort in the things I left behind...
if it's all taken cared off...I'm off. :D

Duwag mode

2009-08-20T13:58:00.001+08:00

Ganito na lang ba parati? di ka matatauhan kung hindi ka pagagalitan?

‘Teyktu’

By Conrado de Quiros
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 01:05:00 08/20/2009

Maraming nag-text sa akin matapos mabasa ’yung kolum ko noong Lunes, “Ser, isa pa nga.”

Bakit nga hindi? Bitin nga ang isa, parang beer. Agosto pa rin naman, at buwan pa rin ng Wika. At bukas ay Agosto 21, isang makasaysayang araw na humihiling—hindi, nag-uutos—na gunitain sa paraang malapit sa kamalayang Pilipino. Ano pa ang mas malapit sa kamalayang Pilipino kundi wikang Pilipino? Kahit na pang-text lang ang alam kong Pilipino.

Hindi mahirap hanapin ang paksa para dyan. Iisa ang tampok na elemento sa Agosto 21, isang elemento na tampok din ngayon sa pagkawala. Yan ang katapangan.

Matapang tayo noon, duwag tayo ngayon.

Katapangan ang buod ng mga katagang, “Hindi ka nag-iisa.” Yan ang mga katagang umalingawngaw sa buong bayan matapos pagbabarilin si Ninoy Aquino sa airport noong Agosto 21, 1983. Sa buong panahon ng pagkaburol n’ya, at lalong-lalo na sa pagdala sa kanya sa huling hantungan, yan ang madasaling binubulong, o galit na sinisigaw, ng taongbayan: “Hindi ka nag-iisa.”

Ano nga ba ang ibig sabihin ng “Hindi ka nag-iisa?”

Simple lang. Hindi ka nag-iisa dahil, kagaya mo, handa rin kaming magsakripisyo para sa bayan. Kagaya mo, handa rin kaming kumilos para sa bayan. Kagaya mo, handa rin kaming mamatay para sa bayan.

Mga katagang sinabi, o pinahiwatig, natin noon hindi lang kay Ninoy kundi sa lahat ng nagbuwis ng buhay sa panahon ng kadiliman—marami sa kanila ay nasa Wall of Remembrance ng Bantayog ng mga Bayani ngayon. ’Yan din ang isa pang kahulugan ng “Hindi ka nag-iisa.” Hindi lang si Ninoy ang nagbuwis ng buhay para sa bayan noong panahong ’yon, marami pa.

Sino na lang ang nagsasabi ng “Hindi ka nag-iisa” ngayon? O sino na lang ang nagsasabi n’yan ngayon na me gano’ng kahulugan? Dahil pag naririnig ko ang “Hindi ka nag-iisa” ngayon, ang dating sa ’kin ay parang death wish na lang ng Pinoy. Tipong: “O, sige, isali n’yo na rin ako sa kabaong. Tama na, sobra na, ayoko na. Suko na ini. ”

Paano tayo umabot sa gano’n? Paano tayo nawalan ng katapangan? O diretsuhin na natin, paano tayo naduwag?

Gusto ko sanang sabihing nabakla na siguro tayo, pero di lang sa magagalit sa akin ang mga kaibigan kong bakla kundi marami akong kilalang bakla na matapang. Nangunguna na d’yan si Lino Brocka na sa tindi ng galit sa mga kahibangan noon ni Manoling Morato ay sinigawan ng “Bakla!” Iilan lang ang kakilala kong makakatapat kay Brocka sa katapangan.

Ang nakikita na lang nating katapangan ngayon, at talaga namang laganap na, ay katapangan ng apog. Ang katapangangang yon ay wala ring pinipiling kampon, babae, lalaki o bakla. Equal opportunity, ika nga. Tapang ng apog ang kumikitil sa bayan, tapang ng apog ang pumapatay sa bayan. Tingnan mo ang mga nasa poder ngayon at tanong mo sa sarili kung may makikita ka ring katapat nila sa ganyang katapangan.

Pero yo’ng totoong katapangan, nasaan na?

Angal tayo ng angal, wala naman tayong ginagawa para tigilan ang kawalanghiyaan. Angal tayo ng angal, hindi naman tayo kumikilos para paayusin ang buhay.

Sino’ng inaasahan nating gagawa niyan? Ang Diyos, sa pamagitan ng pagbigay ng lupus o sakit ng tiyan sa pagkabondat sa mga taong bwisit sa buhay natin? Ang Amerika, na nagpapanggap na tagapagtanggol ng demokrasya sa buong mundo pero ayos lang na masikil ang kalayaan sa bansa ni Una? O “sila na lang,” ang ating mga kapitbahay na lang, ang ating mga tagapagtanggol na lang, dahil tayo ay me pamilya, dahil tayo ay kailangang maghanap-buhay, dahil tayo ay sobrang busy.

Sino ba ang walang pamilya? Kaya ka nga kumikilos ay para masilayan ng mga anak mo ang isang lipunang may liwanag at katarungan. Sino ba ang di kailangang maghanap-buhay? Kaya ka nga naghahanap ng buhay para di mo matagpuan ang patay—na pwedeng maging literal balang araw sa bangkay ng anak mo na lulutang-lutang sa ilog dahil ginawa n’ya ang di mo ginawa, ang di mo nagawa, ang di mo magawa. Dahil takot ka. Dahil busy ka.

Nakanino ba ang kapangyarihang hintuin ang katiwalian? Nakanino ba ang kapangyarihang hintuin ang pagbansot sa bayan? Di ba nasa atin? Di ba pag nagagalit tayo ay napipigilan nating bumili ng mamahaling jet ang mumurahing tao? Di pa kumikilos tayo ay napipigilan natin isulong ang Cha-cha ng mga taong di naman marunong sumayaw? Di ba pag pinapakita natin ang ating kapangyarihan ay napapatalsik natin ang mga taong kapit-tuko sa kapangyarihan?

Me mga nagsasabi na hindi naman tayo nawalan ng tapang, nawalan lang tayo ng paki. Gano’n din ’yon. Kaduwagan din yon. O higit pa ro’n. Dahil ngayon hindi ka lang takot mamatay, takot ka pang mabuhay.

Bukas, maraming mga pagtitipon-tipon sa paggunita ng makasaysayang Agosto 21. Isa na dyan ay ang prayer rally sa Ninoy statue sa Ayala na gaganapin sa ika-3:00 ng hapon hanggang gabi. Na ang hiling ng mga organizers ay kung maaari ay magsuot ng dilaw ang mga tao para ipakita ang pakikiramay, pagpupugay, at pakikiisa kay Cory. Hanep din tayong Pinoy ano: Dilaw ang kulay ng kaduwagan sa ibang bansa, dilaw ang kulay ng katapangan sa ating bansa.

Pwede kang sumama rito at sumigaw ng “Tama na, sobra na, palitan na” para sa kinabukasan ng mga anak mo. Pwede kang sumama rito para magsabi kay Inang Bayan, “Hindi ka nag-iisa,” handa rin kaming mamatay nang dahil sa ’yo, at higit na handang mabuhay nang para sa yo. Pwede kang sumama rito para ipakita na hindi pa nawawala ang katapangan sa bayan ko, binihag ka, ang dugo ng mga bayani ay nananalaytay sa mga ugat mo.

O pwede kang huwag sumama rito dahil ang bukang-bibig mo ngayon ay hindi na “Hindi ka nag-iisa” kundi “Bahala ka sa buhay mo.” Pwede kang huwag sumama rito dahil marami ka pang mahalagang gagawin, kagaya nang manuod ng “G.I Joe.” Pwede kang huwag sumama rito dahil mas okay sa yo ang maging patay kahit buhay pa kesa maging buhay kahit patay na. Pero kung gano’n:

Mag-isa ka.

Risks

2009-08-18T00:35:00.007+08:00

Read this with Never Say Never on the background (just for kicks)

You are protected. But if you don’t take risks, God will retreat and become only a subject of philosophical speculation. - Coelho's quote of the week

Like many other days, I discussed about love and risks yesterday with a friend. I told her that I think I've already had a fair dose of love in my life that whatever comes would just be a product of luck. And like other people, she told me that I was just afraid.

I never really see my numbness as fear. Maybe I'm a good liar or maybe just maybe, I am really a robot.

But maybe, turning away from love and pretending to be busy is a fear, I might have brainwashed myself so effectively.

As an example, I told her I never really felt alive as a person when I left something recently. It was like the biggest victory I've done and I felt so sure but unsure at the same time. I remember crying because I cannot explain how I feel and that the only sure thing I know I have to do is to just give it up.

Maybe that's how we should really live, just feeling and knowing that at the end of the day, you'll be fine despite the uncertainty. I think if God had to advise us if we are trapped in a ravine with a murderer in front of us and the deep uncertainty at the back...He'll tell us to jump rather than face death and not knowing what's really out there.

(I might not be making any sense, I still have that killer headache...darn)

Thank You Lord for teaching me the true meaning of risk...and to Mr. Coelho too. I'm gonna try so hard to apply it in my lovelife, maybe just maybe I might need more experience.haha

The Fray - Never Say Never Acoustic Performance

and it was all yellow

2009-08-13T02:39:00.004+08:00

my dad made his own trellis of yellow bells in a then garage space in our house.
And now it's all yellow. And green.

I miss

2009-08-13T01:44:00.004+08:00

macro mode

I seriously do.

i think

2009-08-11T19:50:00.005+08:00

So we have several issues now that's been the non-stop topic of everyone and every media outfit.

#1 Willie's reaction to sharing the TV screen with Cory's transfer to Manila Cathedral

I think he made some sense, it's obviously way out of line to show a funeral while showing a game show too. That is the fault of the TV station (whoever should be responsible), the point is, did he really have to be so rude in saying it?

I think that's the problem, people won't react and push for his removal if he said it in a much civilized way and not like he owns the company and runs everything (and even the Aquinos agreed to this despite the acceptance of his apology).

The thing is Mr. Revillame, no matter how many you helped, how much money you rake in for ABS, it all comes down to how well-mannered you are as a person and this isn't the first time you had a violation for such.

Everything's already perfect except that part.

#2 GMA and her entourage's lavish New York dinner

the bill:

There's really no problem with splurging but they should have been more discreet.

I was also pissed off by one of GMA's spokesman who told the evening news last night that

"Alangan namang pakainin natin sa isang hotdog stand anf presidente?"

Mr. Spokesman...why the freaking hell not?

wala sa lugar

and if they're thinking enough

eating at a hotdog stand would have been a good publicity for GMA now, dont you think?

walk on...

2009-08-11T01:12:00.004+08:00

We're standing on a tiny ledge
Before this goes over the edge
Gonna use my heart and not my head
And try to open up your eyes
This is a relationship suicide

- Talk You Down by The Script

Italian afternoon

2009-08-10T16:40:00.003+08:00

had an urge to mess up in the kitchen and ended up with:

Bambi mini pizza - chorizo and meat flavor (just heat in oven toaster)

pesto toast

ingredients
olive oil
pesto
butter
bread

spread olive oil, pesto and butter
heat in oven toaster

Fussili noodles
Prego Italian sauce (bottled)
Maggi Magic Sarap
tuna
butter
cheese

cook noodles to desired softness. add 1/2 of maggi magic sarap pack and salt. set aside and drain plus spread with butter.
cook Prego and tuna add noodles. stir. add the rest of maggi magic sarap mix.
spread cheese on top.

pair up with iced tea or ice cold soda. :D

Thanks to my sous chef manang Corcing as well. :D

giddy morning = pancake oa-ness

2009-08-10T03:04:00.002+08:00

ingredients
pancake
maple syrup
chocolate cake

This treat is obviously a no-brainer...just arrange them all together... :D

Muli

2009-08-08T05:17:00.000+08:00

Strawberry Swing

2009-08-06T10:04:00.002+08:00

hand it to one of my fave band to impress me every time.

Strawberry Swing - Coldplay

They were sitting
They were sitting on the strawberry swing
Every moment was so precious

They were sitting
They were talking under strawberry swing
Everybody was for fighting
Wouldn't wanna waste a thing

Cold, cold water bring me round
Now my feet won't touch the ground
Cold, cold water what ya say?
When it's such…
It's such a perfect day
It's such a perfect day

I remember
We were walking up to strawberry swing
I can't wait until the morning
Wouldn't wanna change a thing

People moving all the time
Inside a perfectly straight line
Don't you wanna curve away?
When it's such…
It's such a perfect day
It's such a perfect day

Now the sky could be blue
I don't mind
Without you it's a waste of time

Could be blue
I don’t mind
Without you it’s a waste of time

Could be blue,
Could be grey
Without you I’m just miles away

Could be blue
I don’t mind
Without you it’s a waste of time

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

2009-08-06T01:07:00.002+08:00

friends are friends...they are stubborn especially if you're in the wrong path. haha
haay...

Thank You

2009-08-05T10:40:00.010+08:00

12am of August 3, my mom and I went to La Salle Greenhills. We were greeted by two snake-like lines. Everyone's waiting but not really upset by the long line. The atmosphere was light. We saw teenagers, employees, a kid with a "We Love You Cory" band on her head, Toni Rose (Rosa Rosal's daughter) gamely lining with the crowd, people wearing yellow shirts smelling like newly printed silkscreened shirts.

We entered La Salle Greenhills around 2am, greeted by tons of flowers of sympathy and by ushers carrying food (puto pao).

It started to rain when we got to the top of the gym. But the rain didn't feel all that bad or probably for some it didn't really matter because at that moment everyone's mourning.

Tita Cory looked peaceful, very white.She looked different probably due to the effect of her sickness and her glasses off. She was wearing a very yellow dress. The moment was brief but full of respect. I cannot think of any other word to describe and feel at the moment. It was all about respect for a woman who gave her life doing every good thing she can for the country. She could have chosen the quiet life shying away from the dirty politics. It was easy for her to choose that path, but she didn't and for that we owe her a whole lot.

Her house is a modest one in Quezon City, in a street where everyone can pass by --- which speaks of her humbleness. As a child, its always a treat attending mass with her presence in the church in Times St., a thing she does like any other normal people would do.

It's not surprising how people can endure 2-8 hours of lining up just to see her. It was not a hard task to pay respect to a woman like that.

Truly, everyone can fall for her more than one time as read by Ninoy's poem beautifully sung by Jose Mari Chan. We loved her when she sacrificed a peaceful family life, we loved her for being strong as a president, for still fighting for the right things and leading us, and now until death we still love her for everything she has done and what she is continuously changing.

Now we know Filipinos haven't succumbed to apathy. That we would still flood the streets not only by anger but also to show our great respect for someone who sacrificed a lot for the country. Thank You Tita Cory, may your spirit live on and change all of us for the better :D

Corazon Cojuangco Aquino (1933 - 2009)

Cocina Juan

2009-08-05T09:29:00.004+08:00

one word: sarap! (every meal...galing) thanks Jerome for bringing me here.

Grace Ramos -- Gran Paradiso

2009-08-04T11:14:00.002+08:00

"It's a hot evening for July," you said with that innocent and playful grin of yours that steals me. We sat on the park bench we usually just pass by. Having been asked to take that walk was surprising since you rarely ask me to do anything with you. It was, yes, a major panic moment for me, but what else can a girl do other than yield?

The usual street lights were off already since it was past midnight when we got there. Although, the sky was lucid enough for me to see every blink of those wide, glassy eyes and every stunningly awkward smile you let out when your hands accidentally touch mine.

You switched off your phone which is weird because you never do that. Feeling obliged, I followed your lead. "I like the park better at night. It's easier to talk to you this way. I don't have to compete with anything or anyone for your attention," I said, although regretting the last line.

I knew better than to say that. It was no competition. I wasn't in a race, not with anyone, not for you. Though you never said or did anything to make me at ease with those awkward moments, somehow I felt I was where I ought to be. That if I was in a race, I would be ahead of the pack.

But just like the classic you, you just sat there without saying a word for some five minutes. Five fucking long minutes that I wished would vanish like the sun at night. Then, with a sudden gush of blood in my head, you rested your cheek on my shoulder.

It was, yet again, another major panic moment because for me, the person I was sitting beside to would go as far as possible from me, eluding my every step like I was the mother of all sins.

Sometimes, I wonder how your hair would smell like when I wake up next to you one morning or how perfectly our hands would fit together if you'd only have the desire to hold mine. But I would regain my sanity and realize you're my Gran Paradiso that I still need to climb.

"If I could only capture this event, put it in a box and throw away the key," I thought to myself. You were there, with me, alone. At that moment, when I could almost breathe the scent of your air, I wish you'd just indulge me, or better yet, indulge in me.

You were there for five minutes, with me, in the same park bench we usually just pass by. It was the shortest five minutes of my entire life. And like how spontaneous your leaning was, so was your rising up. I almost felt the gentle dent in your cheek that I could only kiss in my dreams, but it was too fast, it was too fleeting.

You finally broke the silence. As magical as your mere presence in a room, you triumphantly conquered me with a bold declaration, "I am finally taking that leap you suggested." My fragile bones could only shiver in anticipation but only to some point as you continued, "She's back."

Could I just drown in that moss-covered lake five steps away? I wanted to run to the car, start the engine and speed away. That was one of those great escapes I see in action movies, except that I don't have a car, and it was not just a movie.

Suddenly, I was wasted on climbing my Gran Paradiso. I could barely feel anything in my legs. "Is this what a stroke would feel like?" Might as well be one as the last two words I heard were the death of me.

What else could girl do? Sit still? Run away? Drifting to seclusion could be the best option, but the agenda in the docket were shaking your hand, faintly kissing one cheek and politely saying goodnight.

Like your typical average girl, I smiled and said, "You do what you have to do. For now, it's way past my bedtime."

©Grace Ramos
(08/04/09)

Malayo na

2009-08-03T22:13:00.004+08:00

Nalulungkot sa pag alis
Hindi na tayo tulad ng dati
Napupuno ka ng pait
Hindi na tayo tulad ng dati

I've been battling with my past, present and future now. At first I thought I'll enjoy this feeling...but I feel guilty after a while...it took a really good friend to wake me up and realize that life is repeating itself... and I can't let things happen again the way it did. I'm much smarter now, I'm hoping. And one thing I learned, I must really be sure before I go and plunge once again.

And now, my attitude and my decision confuses me, hurts me...and I dont want to cause this kind of hurt to anyone and myself. The last thing I wanna do right now is hurt, although I think I'm already doing it.

here we go again...Lord, help me do the right thing. Help me.

on other matters...

our old VW Combi is back...

that car grew up with me and brought me fond memories. Its a second home everytime we go to the mall or out of town. Its a familiar thing I wanna remember and Im thanking God that He gave me another chance. Our whole family's psyched up to restore it to its old glory.

Missing it so much, I helped my dad wash it when it arrived. The whole process caused me bodyaches but what the heck...I'll post developments as things go along. :D We are so psyched. :D

I also hope this jumpstarts my dream to start a vintage car collection. :D

Concluding the Twilight Saga and reading Meyer's last book Breaking Dawn. I cant wait for New Moon. haha...naadik.

the problem with changing the Consti

2009-07-31T13:02:00.002+08:00

The endless debate to change the Constitution I think will never be over until people change their wants.

Rules are subjective. A right thing for a person may be wrong for another. Its just the way it is.

I commend politicians who want change because really, some of the provisions in our current Consti (1987) are really outdated. But if you see people pushing for it with intentions like changing the system, knowing that they want this change because indirectly they can benefit from it, that's what sucks.

And I cant also blame people for negating change since the behavioral pattern of the local politics doesn't change.

A concrete example is the Cheaper Meds Law. Everybody wants it but pharmas negate it. Politicians meanwhile, ever knowing that good approval points would get you far, know better and pushed for it in an effort to create a political vehicle for the upcoming elections.

Now we have a law, that initially said medicines would be cheaper but who are we kidding right now? The government did not include all, especially those medicines that have very high prices. Where's the sense in that?

And who knows what the final outcome really stated, having witnessed bicam conferences, self-serving provisions can easily be inserted anytime.

so how do we solve this?

Eclipse

2009-07-31T09:58:00.003+08:00

I finished reading Meyer's third book last night. Thank God there's more romance on the last part than vampire chasing, otherwise I'll have a freaking nightmare again. I'm pretty sure I dreamt of something but I already forgot.

Anyhow, the last part was about Bella's choice between a vampire and a werewolf and her sudden realization that she loves Jacob without her knowing it (which explains the unexplicable bond between them).

Its just heartwrenching to know that you can love someone so much and yet its not enough to change everything. As the book puts it, its just enough to hurt both of you.
How can love happen like that?

I remembered I read Brida and two of the characters there also had the same conflict. The love was strong but they gave it up, coz they're not meant for each other.

In the love-o-meter its probably 95% or 99% but its still not 100%. So you are willing to give up that big of a percentage to find that 1% or 5%... it doesn't make sense right? but for some...it does.

Haruki Murakami: On seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful April morning

2009-07-30T20:09:00.001+08:00

I wish I could write like this...

One beautiful April morning, on a narrow side street in Tokyo's fashionable Harujuku neighborhood, I walked past the 100% perfect girl.

Tell you the truth, she's not that good-looking. She doesn't stand out in any way. Her clothes are nothing special. The back of her hair is still bent out of shape from sleep. She isn't young, either - must be near thirty, not even close to a "girl," properly speaking. But still, I know from fifty yards away: She's the 100% perfect girl for me. The moment I see her, there's a rumbling in my chest, and my mouth is as dry as a desert.

Maybe you have your own particular favorite type of girl - one with slim ankles, say, or big eyes, or graceful fingers, or you're drawn for no good reason to girls who take their time with every meal. I have my own preferences, of course. Sometimes in a restaurant I'll catch myself staring at the girl at the next table to mine because I like the shape of her nose.

But no one can insist that his 100% perfect girl correspond to some preconceived type. Much as I like noses, I can't recall the shape of hers - or even if she had one. All I can remember for sure is that she was no great beauty. It's weird.

"Yesterday on the street I passed the 100% girl," I tell someone.

"Yeah?" he says. "Good-looking?"

"Not really."

"Your favorite type, then?"

"I don't know. I can't seem to remember anything about her - the shape of her eyes or the size of her breasts."

"Strange."

"Yeah. Strange."

"So anyhow," he says, already bored, "what did you do? Talk to her? Follow her?"

"Nah. Just passed her on the street."

She's walking east to west, and I west to east. It's a really nice April morning.

Wish I could talk to her. Half an hour would be plenty: just ask her about herself, tell her about myself, and - what I'd really like to do - explain to her the complexities of fate that have led to our passing each other on a side street in Harajuku on a beautiful April morning in 1981. This was something sure to be crammed full of warm secrets, like an antique clock build when peace filled the world.

After talking, we'd have lunch somewhere, maybe see a Woody Allen movie, stop by a hotel bar for cocktails. With any kind of luck, we might end up in bed.

Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart.

Now the distance between us has narrowed to fifteen yards.

How can I approach her? What should I say?

"Good morning, miss. Do you think you could spare half an hour for a little conversation?"

Ridiculous. I'd sound like an insurance salesman.

"Pardon me, but would you happen to know if there is an all-night cleaners in the neighborhood?"

No, this is just as ridiculous. I'm not carrying any laundry, for one thing. Who's going to buy a line like that?

Maybe the simple truth would do. "Good morning. You are the 100% perfect girl for me."

No, she wouldn't believe it. Or even if she did, she might not want to talk to me. Sorry, she could say, I might be the 100% perfect girl for you, but you're not the 100% boy for me. It could happen. And if I found myself in that situation, I'd probably go to pieces. I'd never recover from the shock. I'm thirty-two, and that's what growing older is all about.

We pass in front of a flower shop. A small, warm air mass touches my skin. The asphalt is damp, and I catch the scent of roses. I can't bring myself to speak to her. She wears a white sweater, and in her right hand she holds a crisp white envelope lacking only a stamp. So: She's written somebody a letter, maybe spent the whole night writing, to judge from the sleepy look in her eyes. The envelope could contain every secret she's ever had.

I take a few more strides and turn: She's lost in the crowd.

Now, of course, I know exactly what I should have said to her. It would have been a long speech, though, far too long for me to have delivered it properly. The ideas I come up with are never very practical.

Oh, well. It would have started "Once upon a time" and ended "A sad story, don't you think?"

Once upon a time, there lived a boy and a girl. The boy was eighteen and the girl sixteen. He was not unusually handsome, and she was not especially beautiful. They were just an ordinary lonely boy and an ordinary lonely girl, like all the others. But they believed with their whole hearts that somewhere in the world there lived the 100% perfect boy and the 100% perfect girl for them. Yes, they believed in a miracle. And that miracle actually happened.

One day the two came upon each other on the corner of a street.

"This is amazing," he said. "I've been looking for you all my life. You may not believe this, but you're the 100% perfect girl for me."

"And you," she said to him, "are the 100% perfect boy for me, exactly as I'd pictured you in every detail. It's like a dream."

They sat on a park bench, held hands, and told each other their stories hour after hour. They were not lonely anymore. They had found and been found by their 100% perfect other. What a wonderful thing it is to find and be found by your 100% perfect other. It's a miracle, a cosmic miracle.

As they sat and talked, however, a tiny, tiny sliver of doubt took root in their hearts: Was it really all right for one's dreams to come true so easily?

And so, when there came a momentary lull in their conversation, the boy said to the girl, "Let's test ourselves - just once. If we really are each other's 100% perfect lovers, then sometime, somewhere, we will meet again without fail. And when that happens, and we know that we are the 100% perfect ones, we'll marry then and there. What do you think?"

"Yes," she said, "that is exactly what we should do."

And so they parted, she to the east, and he to the west.

The test they had agreed upon, however, was utterly unnecessary. They should never have undertaken it, because they really and truly were each other's 100% perfect lovers, and it was a miracle that they had ever met. But it was impossible for them to know this, young as they were. The cold, indifferent waves of fate proceeded to toss them unmercifully.

One winter, both the boy and the girl came down with the season's terrible inluenza, and after drifting for weeks between life and death they lost all memory of their earlier years. When they awoke, their heads were as empty as the young D. H. Lawrence's piggy bank.

They were two bright, determined young people, however, and through their unremitting efforts they were able to acquire once again the knowledge and feeling that qualified them to return as full-fledged members of society. Heaven be praised, they became truly upstanding citizens who knew how to transfer from one subway line to another, who were fully capable of sending a special-delivery letter at the post office. Indeed, they even experienced love again, sometimes as much as 75% or even 85% love.

Time passed with shocking swiftness, and soon the boy was thirty-two, the girl thirty.

One beautiful April morning, in search of a cup of coffee to start the day, the boy was walking from west to east, while the girl, intending to send a special-delivery letter, was walking from east to west, but along the same narrow street in the Harajuku neighborhood of Tokyo. They passed each other in the very center of the street. The faintest gleam of their lost memories glimmered for the briefest moment in their hearts. Each felt a rumbling in their chest. And they knew:

She is the 100% perfect girl for me.

He is the 100% perfect boy for me.

But the glow of their memories was far too weak, and their thoughts no longer had the clarity of fouteen years earlier. Without a word, they passed each other, disappearing into the crowd. Forever.

A sad story, don't you think?

Yes, that's it, that is what I should have said to her.

thought pop

2009-07-30T11:19:00.000+08:00

People don't want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.

- chuck palahniuk, survivor

PATOK!

2009-07-29T15:36:00.000+08:00

I stumbled upon "Ang Cute ng Ina Mo" sa PBO Channel awhile ago, I ended up watching the whole movie. Gawd, I miss patok comedy flicks. :D

Anyhoo, I got these and I figured we can use it in our everyday lives especially if we are having a heated argument. So fire away!

PIER - Please Ignore Everything, Right?

TIANGGE - Truly (Tunay?) Ikaw Ang Naging Gung Gung Ever!

INDIA - Inside Now Dahil Imbyerna Ako!

IRAN - Ikaw Rin Ang Nawalan!

QUIAPO - Quiet Now. I Am Pissed Off!

#003: Chocolate Cloud

2009-07-28T15:49:00.003+08:00

I've always wanted a rain painting...
so here it is:

oil on canvas

Rain has always been like a burden to us. I wanted to depict a rain that you want to come, so I made it chocolatey. The colored drips also means that getting wet is not all that bad. But of course, the painting still has its dreary feel...I'm still not in the mood, I guess.

growing old

2009-07-27T22:59:00.004+08:00

spent time with my best friend Jei awhile ago since there are no classes. Spent the day talking, art gallery hopping and...gawd...eating again and again

Talked about lots of stuff, stuff that I don't want to talk about but I have to and stuff we always discuss. In fairness,we are stronger now...but that is yet to be proven.

One thing we realized though, we are already far from what we were so whatever we encountered before, unfortunately doesn't apply anymore unless it grows with you or at least survived the ride that is "life". It's an unfortunate and fortunate thing we have to accept. I have to admit it is hard and it hurts, but what can we do right? we have to experience it to learn and to know how valuable things and people are to us.

We have to give up, to gain...cry to laugh again and hope for a better day, but we can never stop no matter how hard it gets.

“Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We KEEP MOVING FORWARD, opening up new doors and doing new things… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”

- WALT DISNEY

Italianni's Trinoma

2009-07-26T20:18:00.004+08:00

Eating at Italianni's always get me apprehensive since I don't really like the food there...despite the name and the food.

but the Trinoma branch changed all that! try it!
coz this:

is definitely true!

partial solar eclipse of the heart

2009-07-22T13:54:00.003+08:00

my very very veryy verry poor attempt to capture the solar eclipse...yes I know super mega powerful lens and solar filter...doikz! next time, I'll be ready.

but the memory in my heart and mind of that wonderful moment will live forever. :D

Suddenly I See

2009-07-21T11:02:00.002+08:00

sometimes I forget how great life is...this song pulls me back to that happy place.

"Suddenly I See"

Her face is a map of the world
Is a map of the world
You can see she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
And everything around her is a silver pool of light
The people who surround her feel the benefit of it
It makes you calm
She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

I feel like walking the world
Like walking the world
You can hear she's a beautiful girl
She's a beautiful girl
She fills up every corner like she's born in black and white
Makes you feel warmer when you're trying to remember
What you heard
She likes to leave you hanging on her word

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

And she's taller than most
And she's looking at me
I can see her eyes looking from a page in a magazine
Oh she makes me feel like I could be a tower
A big strong tower
She got the power to be
The power to give
The power to see

Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
This is what I wanna be
Suddenly I see (Suddenly I see)
Why the hell it means so much to me

question of the moment

2009-07-21T10:17:00.005+08:00

I remember my friend said that in order to have a strong will to fulfill your dreams you have to say your plans out loud...how come it doesn't work with me...whenever I do that, something insane happens killing it? which sucks since I hate talking in the past tense...I want things in future tense. :D

hahaha...ohwell.

July has been a month for my friends, which is a good thing.

Birthday of my long time friends Lea, Kat and Carol. I miss our bondings. I miss goofing around and I'm thankful they caught me when I just got my mojo back. :D

We also visited some kids in CRIBS. It was my second time to visit there, its fun being with kids.

Banapple is now our ABE (Where good friends dine, hehehe)...

A few of my guy friends are broken so I dedicate this song to them...haay, boys talaga...mas emo at madrama pa sa girls minsan...hahaha!

ang matamaan emo! ;b

Excited to come back to film photography. :D ok hanggang dun muna, baka maudlot pa. :D

missin the days

2009-07-06T23:22:00.006+08:00

I met up with my good friend and ex officemate MG awhile ago, for a much needed "sharing"....gawd I miss our all-nighter talks...but we can't do that now...there are far too many things and people to think about...hay

our favorite "pulutan" Banoffee pie

MG introduced me to the world of frappes (I'm not a fan of coffee shops...I'd rather drink water)...actually, I only drink frappes when I'm with her, it's like our ritual. tamang adik lang

Bought a piece of history for just P120. Well it was evident that TIME just wanted to make money out of the situation, as they just compiled pictures and blew them large to fill the pages. I just hope a part of the price goes to charity...wishful thinking.

MJ

2009-06-27T00:20:00.003+08:00

ben-Instrumental - michael jackson

Ben, youre always running here and there
You feel youre not wanted anywhere
If you ever look behind
And dont like what you find
Theres something you should know
You've got a place to go

Who doesn't know Michael Jackson? probably not a single soul. I remember how I am so amazed with his videos, from Thriller, Remember the Time and Scream, and that very long music video he did last.

I remember how I'll play his records (the old school vinyl) in our massive phonograph.
I remember how I, only in the first grade then, watched MJ's documentary even if its way past my bedtime.
I remember how I used to wear stiff shoes like his and "bitin" pants...(ok that was uncalled for...)
and despite the intrigues and the changes...we still love him deep deep down...

I remember how I wanted to be just like MJ...don't we all at some point?

Michael Joseph Jackson
August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009

Go!

2009-06-20T12:54:00.005+08:00

taken from Lindsay Lohan's Myspace page.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I finally deleted my old blogs. It didn't change anything. loveee-ly. :D

The feeling is NEUTRAL

2009-06-19T09:21:00.003+08:00

from Jobstreet's Employee Confidence Index

This Month: 56.61
(0 = Very Poor & 100 = Very Good)

What Is "JobStreet Employee Confidence Index"?
JobStreet Employee Confidence Index is a measure of employee's confidence in the job market. It ranges from zero (very poor) to 100 (very good). A low index shows a tough job market where many people find it difficult to find a job. A high index shows a comfortable job market where many people are able to secure a good job. The index fluctuates with time -- its trend is an important indication to the production and economic development of the nation.

Losing their touch

2009-06-19T00:21:00.005+08:00

The problem with a restaurant's success story is how it can sustain its quality...the worst thing is if a restaurant is not ready to duplicate its original appeal.

Last night's testament to that was A Veneto. A Veneto started in Visayas Avenue, I being a QC resident before admits that I don't really notice the place.

The only time I ever tasted an A Veneto food was when it branched out in Trinoma.

The food was ok, until last night.

The menus were dilapidated, the waiters were dancing to a pop song while in the dining area. I felt like Gordon Ramsey without the authority.

For starters: A Veneto sampler

The chicken was bad. the fries was so so. The dips were something else.

Pizza:

tasted like the topping was corned beef.

The pasta was ok.

I just feel so bad coz I love Italian food.

Colorgenics

2009-06-19T00:18:00.002+08:00

Amazing how your choice of color says a lot about how you feel and think.

I wish people are more like colors. haha

Name: (my name here)
Date: 6/18/2009
Colorgenics Number: 41523076

You are constantly hoping that your good fellowship and attitude and your 'love for your fellow man (or women)' will give you peace of mind. You need people - people around you to care for you and to show you that they care. It is this hope that keeps you going, the hope that makes you the type of person that indeed you are. Your own need for approval seemingly makes you always ready to help others and in exchange you seek love, warmth and understanding. You will always listen to others and you are open to new ideas which hopefully will prove fruitful and interesting.

You are working extremely hard trying to improve your image in the eyes of others. You are looking for acknowledgement from your peers and those who come into your sphere of influence. You want to be liked, not for what people think of you but for what you really are.

At times all of us would like to be like the ostrich - to be able to bury our heads in the sand and let the rest of the world go by, but unfortunately you can't do just that - you have to face up to reality. A little peace and quiet would be most acceptable at this time but if only one could turn a blind eye to the problems of the day! Tomorrow is another day and who knows, it could be 'today' (not tomorrow) that could be the first day of the rest of your life!

You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress. You vehemently resist any form of pressure from outside sources, insisting on your independence as an individual. You want to be a decision maker - to make up your own mind without interference. You wish to be able to draw your own conclusions and arrive at your own decisions. You detest uniformity and mediocrity as you want to be regarded as one who gives authoritative opinions. Your favourite expression could well be that 'I may not always be right but I am never wrong'. You're a perfectionist and even though you may feel that the other person's point of view may be right, you find it extremely difficult to admit that you could be wrong.

You feel that you need to move on. You feel that you are not appreciated or valued for what you are and that the time is 'now'. Failure to do so will not afford you the conditions to prove your worth.

Get your own here

Pateros

2009-06-15T16:28:00.003+08:00

After our "hunt" got us to Pateros, my dad and I decided to check out Dos Hermanas which we saw in Travel and Living Asia to make the most out of our first visit.

We were kinda confused since there was no one eating when we got there...thankfully, the food was good.

Calderetang Itik - P100

Pancit Bihon - P125

The guy there said that the servings of their food are for two's so that's a plus as well...

If you are courageous enough do try the balut varieties (fried, adobo, etc...). Apparently we are not so Andrew Zimmern... :D

scenes from Zambales overnighter

2009-06-14T12:42:00.007+08:00

June 12-13
I remember it took around five to eight hours to get to Zambales, with the ashfall traversing and stuff, now its much nearer thanks to the SCTEX.

You can never have too many greens - SCTEX (Subic-Clark-Tarlac Expressway)

birdhouse - Subic

Meat Plus burger - Meat Plus Cafe (subic)

turon ala Cabangan (Zambales)

killer Zambales beach wave

Nathaniel's Buko Pandan

Lotus flowers - Tito Wen's

Minutes to change

2009-06-08T21:55:00.005+08:00

The Coelho Way

I miss painting... but I still have matters to attend to...

Excited for the new baby in our family soon... this month or next month...another gwapito in the family.

And like buttered rice, I still can't turn away from writing... :D

Been getting in touch with high school memories the past week...it was rejuvenating to talk to people you haven't talked to for a long time... :D

had a mini reunion at BBB yesterday for my tita's birthday.

Our house hasn't been packed like that since a Christmas from way back.Fun!

little memories

2009-06-03T02:13:00.001+08:00

filling the void of my non-active existence

From Where You Are - Lighthouse
http://www.imeem.com/people/f8ciJu-/music/lovbvBFn/lifehouse-from-where-you-are/?rel=1
So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you
So far away from where you are
Standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things I never thought that they’d mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they’d mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

Sunrays and Saturdays

2009-06-02T16:38:00.003+08:00

Just ended an overnight shindig with my friend. We are helping her cousin build a Multiply site for her products so we had to do a product shoot. Will post the link next time if its finished na. (designer bags overload...)

Anyhooo..

finally booked a flight to Bicol thanks to the credit card powers of a friend and Sun Cellular (I finally managed to turn off my 20-second limit calls setting).

I finally took my heart medicine after my medical student friend assured me that the drug prescribed to me will make my blood flow much more normal.

I also have to share a friend's post in Facebook...so cheesy, I almost died.

Because I was too much of a coward, too scared, too cautious, you don't really know anything. And because I couldn't tell you then, I'd just say it now thru a song (cheezy I know but what to do?!). I'd sing it to you but there's no way. If you'd take the time to listen to it, great, I'm guessing you'll appreciate it more.. If not, it's fine the words are enough I guess, they pretty much sum up all these bottled feelings.. Everything in me tells me it's a wrong idea.. What the hell for?! But I realized I never really did something about it before, never told you how much I cared.. So this is it..I'm tellin you while my hands are shaking and with cold feet.. No hopes, no expectations on my end, just couldn't live with myself knowing I could have done something but didn't.. I don't care if you'll ever get to read it or if you'll just shrug it off, but it'll surely free me knowing that it's already out there and out of my hands.. And starting now, consider it forever gone..

It's heart-breaking, bittersweet, whatever you'd like to call it. I can think of many other songs for you but currently, this is the one most fitting.. Now I can start working on my own happy ending coz I've gone to accept you have yours now and I couldn't be happier for you (no really I am :D see? I'm grinning from ear-to-ear lol)!!

So, for ONCE (may I repeat, this is the first and only time I've done somethin as stupid as this =D) in my life, If I may, allow me to be bold.. READ ON!

P.S. Pls read till the end :)

Open the window
Let the sunset in
If only for the last time
Let me see you smile again

I'll take my records
You can have your books
I'm sorry I never read them
But it says so much about us

Always trying
To make love out of care
The perfect recipe
But something wasn't there

Sunrays and Saturdays
Perfect starry nights
Sweet dreams and moonbeams
And a love that's warm and bright
Sunrays and Saturdays
Friendship strong and true
Oceans of blue and a room with a view
To live the life you choose

You'll write me letters
I'll call you on the phone
A wire away from touching
And never quite alone

We'll get to know ourselves again
And we'll heal our hearts
It's not that we're bad together
We're just better off apart

Always trying
To have one and one make two
And even though it never worked
I still feel love for you

Sunrays and Saturdays by Vertical Horizon
*Peach**

the key

2009-06-01T09:34:00.003+08:00

I remembered something I read or watched.. that being ready is not necessarily based on a person who's with you..but rather... with the idea that you are in the right moment to be ready... :D

Di tumitigil

kahit anong mangyari:

maliligo pa din ako sa ulan
manonood pa din ako ng sine
magtatampisaw sa mga dagat
papangarapin ko pa ding pumunta sa Italy
kakain pa din ako ng mami sa Binondo
magphophoto shoot pa din ako sa Diliman
magiipon pa din ako ng pang-date
magfoforward ng cheesy messages
magaassign ng theme song sa iba't ibang pangyayari sa buhay ko
mag oout of the country trip
makikihalubilo sa mga kilalang tao
susulat pa din ako
magmamahal at iiyak
kikiligin sa mga matatamis na salita
titingin sa mata ng isang tao.. na tagos hanggang buto...
magkakarting at Laser Tag

at kung ano ano pang mga bagay

kahit anong mangyari...
gagawin ko pa din lahat ng yan
kahit mawala ka...kahit bumalik ka...

dahil hindi dapat tumigil ang mundo

scenes from Palawan weekender

2009-05-31T15:42:00.007+08:00

Much to our surprise and dismay, our flight was delayed for almost half the day. We were stuck in the Philippine Airlines plane for almost two hours. The crew only let the people out when it was lunchtime (free meals). So this is what budget flights are all about now huh? tsk tsk.

Microtel Palawan is the best place to get away from the city. You'll really feel isolated coz its far from everything (no nearby stores whatsoever). The resort however is still under construction the time we went. Beware of local insects too like "niknik". Niknik bites can be cured by Wings detergent so be sure to bring a pack along. The beach of the hotel was also too shallow, and "bakawan" like. but its perfect for dramaramas.

We didn't get to explore Puerto Princesa coz there's a typhoon, too bad, maybe next time. :D

very random shots

Microtel Palawan
May 29-31

Forwarded Messages

2009-05-28T08:27:00.004+08:00

Morning starter...typed as is:

A speaker started his speech by holding up a $20 bill.

He asked: "Who wants this $20?"

Hands started going up.

He crumpled the bill, dropped it to the floor, and ground it with his shoe. He picked it up and asked,

"Now who still wants this?"

Everybody's hand was still up.

"My friends," he said. "let this be a lesson. Others may trample upon you, but they can never diminish your true value."

A great morning to those finding it hard to smile. :D

-------------------

There will come a point in your life when you'll get tired of chasing everyone, trying to fix everything. It's not giving up, its just a realization that you don't need certain people and all their freakin drama.

-------------------

You have to learn that sometimes it isn't love. It's just a feeling. A sudden feeling and you just overreacted...

summer fling.durog.hehe

-------------------

There will always be that first true love.
The one you first spent the night crying for.
The one that never really worked out but you kept your hopes up too much.
The one who got away.
The one who taught you the things you need to know about love.
The one that you still look back to whenever you try to love again.

And now... I seriously need to pack...haha

disabled

2009-05-26T11:43:00.003+08:00

Love is not a feeling...it's an ability - from the movie Dan in Real Life

Everytime I try something, I am surprised that I can do it, when before I thought I couldn't (i.e. billiards, news writing, zip line...etc)...

but love... still remains a feeling...

I have to stop and take Propanolol now...

last article

2009-05-26T10:36:00.004+08:00

my last article in my former work (<--click):

Vol. XXII, No. 204
Wednesday, May 20, 2009 | MANILA, PHILIPPINES
Today’s Headlines

Repeat of power crisis inevitable?
FOCUS

BY MOST ACCOUNTS, the Philippines will sooner or later have to contend with another power crisis, with demand for electricity expected to soon outpace supply as the economy continues to expand despite a global recession.

The Visayas, particularly Negros and Panay, is already experiencing blackouts. The situation in Luzon and Mindanao was supposed to reach a critical point this year and the next, respectively. Fortunately, the downturn has provided some breathing space, slowing demand and delaying the supply crunch.

Energy department estimates have showed electricity demand growing at an annual 4.4% from 2008 to 2017 — by 4.4 % in Luzon, 4.6 % in Visayas, and 4.3 % in Mindanao.

The projections placed the "critical period" for Luzon in 2010 when dependable power supply would be unable to meet demand at its peak as well as the required reserves. Energy officials have said this could be pushed to 2012 because of the economic downturn.

That study called for 4,100 megawatts (MW) of additional capacity within a 10-year period, in a combination of base load, midrange and peaking plants. Luzon would require an additional 3,000 MW; the Visayas, 500 MW; and Mindanao, 600 MW.

The need to build new power plants is widely acknowledged, but there are various roadblocks. For one, the private sector claims the government must tweak its policies to encourage investment. The global downturn is a double-edged sword, limiting the private sector’s fund-raising capacity.

Public opinion, meanwhile, is often against power plant proponents over environmental and other issues.

Power industry players are also demanding a climate conducive to business.

"[T]he government should keep a level playing field and apply the rules in a consistent manner if it is to attract and optimize investments in the power sector. Maintaining a climate of political and economic stability, while providing needed infrastructure support for big-ticket investments will also be a big help," TeaM Energy, operator of the 1,000-MW Sual and the 700-MW Pagbilao plants, said in an email.

Regulators should shape up, for instance reducing interference in pricing and speeding up the issuance of permits, an Aboitiz Power Corp. official said.

Jose Alejandro, Philippine Chamber of Commerce and Industry vice-president for energy, claimed the local environment has been hostile to investors.

"Somehow, the local environment has painted the distribution utilities and the generation companies vis-a-vis the independent power producers as consumers’ adversaries. Such locally acquired image is quite a liability," he said in an interview.

"All other factors, e.g. interest rates, inflation, peace and order, etc. are standard items that can be overcome for as long as there is a regime of transparency, a level playing field and fairness in the regulatory system," he added.

To expect the government to put up funding to address the looming power crisis is "perhaps just wishful thinking," Asian Institute of Petroleum Studies Inc. executive director Rafael S. Diaz, Jr. observed.

"They are quite busy trying to sell the remaining National Power Corp. (Napocor) plants and therefore only the private sector can invest on new or additional capacities. Unfortunately, with the current economic slowdown, such investments are not coming in fast enough," he said.

Privatization is supposed to arrest the decay of old power plants since new owners can invest for repairs and upgrades. But the government is having difficulties attracting buyers. Early this year the buyer of the Calaca plant in Batangas backed out after finding out that the facility was severely deteriorated, delaying privatization targets.

By law, the state must sell 70% of Napocor’s generating capacity. It currently stands at 57%.

To be fair, the competence of investors can also be a big factor.

"It all depends on the private sector’s ability to build power plants in time to match growing demand," Luis Miguel O. Aboitiz, senior vice-president of Aboitiz Power Corp., said in an e-mail.

"It is important to note that economic cycles are up and down. When growth does return, a tightening power market will occur if no new capacity is built," Aboitiz Power First Vice-President Iker M. Aboitiz said in another e-mail.

The project cycle of a new plant is approximately three years, so any new capacity built today would serve incremental demand three years from now. By then, Mr. Aboitiz said the economic situation may have reversed.

Mr. Diaz noted that a number of baseload plants, or those that cover minimum demand, are already operating with "very low efficiency."

"For example, Ambuklao Hydroelectric has been on zero production while Binga Hydroelectric is operating with very low efficiency," he said.

The 175-megawatt Ambuklao-Binga facility is owned by SN Aboitiz Power Hydro Inc.

Mr. Alejandro said the government must impose a strict and regulated schedule in upgrading capacities so that the system can get an additional 15% to 20% within the next 16 to 24 months.

"Funding would be easier because project viability would be easy to justify and document," he said.

Some investors, meanwhile, are still busy at their drawing boards.

"We are presently studying the possibility of future expansion programs for the Sual and Pagbilao plants. However, nothing is definite at the moment," TeaM Energy said.

The government is pushing renewable energy projects as part of measures to avert a power shortage. Perks such as income tax holidays are being dangled. In February, the Energy department said around $25 billion worth of renewable energy investments are expected over the next two years. Investments could rise to $80 billion in ten years.

The Energy department’s medium-term Renewable Energy Policy Framework aims to develop more than 4,000 MW of additional renewable energy capacity.

But department officials themselves admit that renewable energy won’t be sufficient to meet demand, at least for now, and what’s needed are conventional power plants running on coal to meet just baseload demand.

The Energy department has proposed the immediate revival of the old 600-MW Sucat Plant in Parañaque. For the long term, Energy Secretary Angelo T. Reyes wants nuclear power harnessed.

The only new power plants going up include the proposed 200-MW coal plant in Sarangani of Conal Holdings Co., a $450-million joint venture between the Alcantaras and a Thai investor; and the 42.5-MW Sibulan hydroelectric power project in Davao del Sur worth P5 billion. The Conal project is being hounded by critics.

Cebu Energy Development Corp., a consortium of Global Business Power Corp., Formosa Heavy Industries and Abovant Holdings (a joint venture of Aboitiz Power and Vivant Corp.)., is building a 246-MW coal facility in Toledo, Cebu. The first of the three 82-MW coal plants will be completed in March 2010. The second and third units will be onstream in June and September 2010.

Asian Institute of Management power expert Fernando Y. Roxas cautioned that the Philippines’ future requirements were "guesswork" for now.

"Today, any discussion of numbers of megawatts needed is guesswork because nobody can really predict the level and type of economic activity into the future," he said in an e-mail.

"To make things more complicated, the forecast will need to look out five years into the future because that’s how long it takes to put new major power plants in place," he added.

Underlining the gravity of the problem in the Visayas is the Visayas Supply Augmentation Auction (VSAA) program, under which big power consumers willing to be disconnected from the grid at shortages during peak hours will be paid. Power plants with available capacity during these periods will also be paid for power produced.

The Visayas’ lack of dependable supply reared its head during a 10-hour outage in late April.

Despite the uncertainty, industry players are still optimistic the country will be resilient.
"We shall overcome all of those as we did in the late 1990s ... We have done it before and there is no reason why we cannot do it again. Of course, some industry shake-outs and adjustments will happen in the process," Mr. Alejandro said. — Ava Kashima K. Austria with Marites I. Villamor

this is why...

2009-05-26T00:14:00.003+08:00

I gave up my job..there can only be one great writer in the family...

:D

I haven't heard all of his greatness but Ateneans and avid writers say he is good.

"Autobiography" by Arkaye Kierulf

1.

You could say I grew up in a rough neighborhood: We owned boxing gloves. The red ones I loved, which represented fire and strength. I loved how they looked on me. It was rough because my uncle who lived next door was a blackbelter, and we were born with fists. My brother would wear black gloves and my uncle would be the referee of the two of us. When the fighting went on, we would hide love the best way we could. Everyday it was morning. The chickens my other uncle owned — he also lived next door — would flit and putter in their cage as they watched us step into and out of each other. The chickens had feathers so white you'd think heaven was caged with chicken wire. But they were delicious when cooked. Especially with butter, and with much care.

2.

The world is incomplete.

3.

I doubt goodness. For instance, I lost my virginity to a prostitute. My nature is to increase sin, to relegate/buy it with money. I am not capable of committing evil by myself: I need an agent. She was pretending to enjoy it, and I was pretending to enjoy it. We both lied about our age. She had hair down to her hips. I was once, you know, a child.

4.

I will make a list of things I know:
1) A leaf is green.
2) A leaf is black at night.

5.

According to its dual nature, light can also act as a particle. Seeing an object (a chair, table, or person) requires that we move it with the solid particles of light that make sight possible, much the same way that one billiard ball will push another. In other words, we move all objects to some unknown future so we can see their past. (I know this. I was a scientist in my past life.)

Conclusion: Nobody knows what's happening now. The present is a rumor, a story spread by eye.

Said Werner Heisenberg of the subatomic particle: "The more precisely the position is determined, the less precisely the momentum is known in this instant, and vice versa." To illustrate in bigger terms: if you know a white chicken is trapped in your bathroom exactly at the center of your bathtub, then you cannot know exactly how fast or in what direction the chicken is dodging your ax. The second case: if you know a certain girl is drawing away from you radially at a speed of 5 inches per day, then the universe won't allow you to know exactly how far away she already is, or how to find her. (I know this. I was a scientist
in my past life.)

Conclusion: Separation can't be predicted. We cannot know, even by force. We cannot keep.

6.

The history of my body: this little nose I got from my mother, this daffy hair from my father, and my blue eyes I inherited from the sea. The earth bequeathed me brown skin. Look at my feet: tree roots. And my arms: branches. Twenty years ago there was only air where I am. Fifty years from now, air again.

7.

My family is crazy about white dogs. Our first one got ill and died. The second (named Petite) died giving birth. The third (Bingo) ran away. What I really mean: my family is crazy. Mother said Petite couldn't give birth because her babies were too big for her. I think it was because we didn't call a veterinarian. In any case, it was sad. We ate ice cream afterwards. It was delicious. Then it was okay again.

You see, years before he ran away, Bingo was a puppy. Then he got older, and as was our nature, we tried to avoid his ugliness by ignoring him. There was less petting going on, less tail-wagging. And we locked him up in our backyard for three years.

When he ran away, the dogs from all over barked at hm because they didn't know he existed until then. He was always there and nobody knew except us. Everywhere he was lost.

We scoured the streets calling his name. We asked strangers. It was a time when words lost their connections to their referents. I remember sitting at our door-sill, waiting for any shuffle of feet, any bark.

8.

I believe, sometimes, that I am a good man.

9.

I remember
looking at trees.

I remember
Not looking at trees.

10.

In this world there are two types of things that make people happy: the first type pleasures the self directly (e.g., food, sex), while the second pleasures the self only after directing pleasure to others (e.g., clothes, shoes). The first gives solitary joy, the second social. There are exceptions — items that belong to both lists (e.g., beauty) or to none. This is only my observation.

To illustrate beauty: the size of my sex, at rest, is x inches. In the presence of a beautiful woman, longer (beauty elongates matter to fullness). The woman, in turn, now conscious of her erotic effect, will surprise herself with a sudden flush of happiness in the form of two hard
nipples, pink like sunrise.

Another observation: a recluse is selfish with his joy, without care for clothes or shoes.

Another observation: dust collects itself out of nowhere.

11.

The history of my spirit: I don't have a spirit, and borrow only from the air.

12.

The earth accommodates 6,398,649,394 human beings on 148,380,000 square kilometers of land. If these people were spread equally, there'd be a distance of 152.279 meters between each of them, give or take some. This is the average amount of solitude the world allows by distance. When a person dies, everyone in the world is allowed more remove from everyone else. Thus, the resultant sadness. When a person is born, everybody is closer to everybody else.

"I am waiting only for death," said my grandmother one late afternoon in June.

I said to myself: "So this is the world."

Some people are born diabetic: my grandmother hid chocolates in her purse and ate them when nobody was looking. The church, in the person of the priest, visited her every week. And the TV was always on. Once she thought aliens were invading the earth. It was a movie. She was really scared.

I said to myself: "So this is the world."

13.

I will make a list of things I don't know:
1) God's first name
2) The color of a leaf

14.

In 1982 my mother was rivetingly beautiful. She had hair down to her hips. And red lips, too — a cunning innocence. But in the 1970s her pictures were black-and-whites only, and the sky was the color of a lie. I have asked myself many times: How many colors did she need to believe in the world? How many to reproduce beauty? How many so it can last?

15.

Said Gandhi: "If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide."

I will be honest: I am a very funny person sometimes.

16.

In my uncle's backyard where his chickens roamed free, I would search around for eggs. I loved newly laid eggs, especially the little brown ones with white spots. And if I was lucky — they are still warm.

Once I find one I would wrap my fingers around it and close my eyes. It was like holding life in your own — hands-your own life. Then I would put the egg back where I found it, and it was over.

17.

I will be honest: I love the world and I am curiously happy. Nobody knows this because nobody knows. I would tell you about the time I grew my hair past the norm but I don't remember much about it because it never happened. This is another story. The world is incomplete and in a game of poker I lost all of my body-hair to a monkey. I will be honest: the sun is a flashlight and some divine idiot is checking on us once in a while in this eternal blackout. Watch out for me, my brothers! Before the next war I will be smug in my coffin wearing formal attire. I have been known, you know, to dress up extravagantly for such grand occasions.

The Spa

2009-05-25T17:51:00.008+08:00

IN line with my life cleansing and zen mode which starts today...my dad and I tried the treatments in The Spa in Trinoma.

I got the Aroma Scalp and Shoulder Massage and he got the Aroma Facial Massage which costs P850 each if you're a non-member.

The place is safari-themed. The ginger tea given before and after the massage (optional) tasted good and far from the ginger you know as a spice.

What I also like about the place is the privacy it offers to customers. Except in the massage area, the facial, and other stuff are for two's. There is also an option to avail of the executive suite.

The scalp and shoulder massage was good. My first choice of treatment was the Indian head massage since I'm in dire need to straighthen up my chakras, however the Indian oil smells a little different and I don't want to walk in the mall smelling like that, maybe next time in a different branch.

I actually felt weird since I don't really get massages coz it somehow makes me more stressed and causes afterpains, I can feel my veins in different directions now and I don't know if that's good, but I felt destressed (why didn't I think of this when I was still working?). But, I should really stick to the scrubs, hehehe. The oil however was good for my hair (damn, that oil can tame wild locks).

My dad said the facial was ok and he can avail of it for a cheaper price.

downside: there's no dry changing room area. (one only)

I think we'll do this spa thing once a month from now on. :D

The Spa website

medical mission - Bataan (May 24)

2009-05-24T23:40:00.004+08:00

~~5. moments to do some goodwill to mankind...(I know my being alive is just not enough..ahaha..)~~

scandal

2009-05-23T10:12:00.002+08:00

On the current sex video scandal involving some personalities:

I think more than the sympathy...not watching the video would also help...am I right?
let's give the girls some dignity people.

tsk tsk.

TRY: flea market in Bangkal, Makati

2009-05-22T17:25:00.002+08:00

from Carlos Celdran's blog

DO-IT-YOURSELF TOUR!
EVANGELISTA QUE LINDA!
Window shopping through the flea markets of one of Manila's emerging neighborhoods of cool: Bangkal, Makati
FREE
Dates:
ANYTIME EXCEPT SUNDAYS
Fat Michael's is located at 1354 Gen Lacuna St. Bangkal Makati.
(turn right at Makati Apartelle from southbound lane of South Super Hiway before the Magallanes Interchange).
Call Fat Michael's Place Tel.8442638 or 8431953 for directions to
their restaurant and for the free map. Ask for Jude Mancuyas
I highly recommend their food. Simple slow fare. Not a greasy spoon at all.

KaEskwela

2009-05-22T17:04:00.001+08:00

KaEskwela is a group of old and new friends who have come together to extend whatever help we can give to public schoolchildren.

We are always looking for more people who are willing to give time and exert effort to help Filipino kids. If you want to join us, send a blank email to brigadaeskwela-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.

But, you don't need to be a member of the group to donate. We accept books (old or new, reference books, storybooks / fiction, textbooks), school bags, shoes, uniform, school supplies, educational vcds, visual aids, flash cards, computers and cash donations. Just email kaeskwelavolunteers@yahoo.com to make arrangements on how we can get the donations. We assure you that all turnovers of donations are documented, and you will be sent photos of the schools accepting the donations, or acknowledgment letters from school officials.

Please note that we are NOT connected with the Brigada Eskwela program of the Department of Education, a project for the physical maintenance of public schools.

-from Facebook

website

good morning shot

2009-05-22T08:36:00.002+08:00

in the works

2009-05-22T06:10:00.002+08:00

I have high hopes for my third work...but I still have to find the material I have in mind...

This would look way way different when finished...

few shots while at work...

pesto pasta

2009-05-22T05:34:00.006+08:00

ingredients:

noodles, pesto, extra virgin oil (forgot the brands but all from Santi's Delicatessen)
any cheese (grated)
Maggi Magic Sarap

1. Cook the noodles to a boil in salted water.
2. mix the virgin oil, pesto and Maggi magic sarap
3. pour sauce on noodles. Grate cheese on top.
4. Heat in microwave to make the flavor blend (about a minute).

what's up with the world

2009-05-22T03:03:00.007+08:00

Got this from Global Development Briefing's newsletter..

India

"I'm feeling bad. I'm thinking about where to sleep."

-- Rubina Ali, the 9-year-old girl who starred in the film "Slumdog Millionaire" as she tried to salvage twisted metal and splintered wood -- all that remained of her bubble-gum pink home after Indian authorities demolished part of a city slum where she lived. Months after their movie swept the Oscars, Ali and Azharuddin Mohammed Ismail, 10, are both sleeping on hard dirt, wondering when they too might go from slumdog to millionaire, the Associated Press reported. Azharuddin's home was demolished last week. The demolitions took place because the slum houses were in the way of a planned pedestrian overpass, said a railway official who refused to be named. Such demolitions are common in India's chaotic cities. "It's best that I move," said Rubina's father, carpenter Rafiq Qureshi, who built the home seven years ago with USD 2,000, adding that the filmmakers are helping find the family a new home. "They are doing what they promised," he said. Destroyed shanties often resurface and temporary homes had already sprung up around Azhar's house, AP said, where his family tied blankets and blue and yellow tarpaulins to a wooden frame for shelter. Some neighbors had taken out fresh loans from local moneylenders to rebuild, at 20 percent interest a month.

picture from www.entekhabnews.net
Global Development Briefing -- Home Sweet Home

Kuwait

Some great news for women in the conservative Persian Gulf: Kuwaitis elected their first-ever women lawmakers to parliament. Voters in four districts elevated women into parliamentary jobs. It's believed to be the first time women have been elected to serve as lawmakers in any of the oil-rich Gulf monarchies. Kuwaiti women were only granted the right to vote in 2005."It's a victory for Kuwaiti women and a victory for Kuwaiti democracy," lawmaker Aseel Awadhi, a philosophy professor, said after winning a seat. Sunni Islamists lost half their seats mainly to Shi'ite Muslim and liberal candidates in what could signal a power shift. (LA Times)

newly elected women lawmakers

Ireland

Priests beat and raped children during decades of abuse in Catholic-run institutions in Ireland, an official report said May 20, but it stopped short of naming the perpetrators. Orphanages and industrial schools in 20th century Ireland were places of fear, neglect and endemic sexual abuse, the Commission to Inquire into Child Abuse said in a five-volume report that took nine years to compile. The Commission blasted successive generations of priests, nuns and Christian Brothers for beating, starving and, in some cases raping, children in Ireland's now defunct network of industrial and reformatory schools from the 1930s onwards. (Reuters)

Japan

Japan's economy contracted by a 15.2 percent annual pace in the first quarter . its sharpest drop on record . as exports plunged, companies slashed production and families cut back on spending, the government said May 20. But the outlook is hopeful. Economists say the world's second-largest economy is most likely past the worst, and some predicted it would grow again in the April-June quarter amid signs of recovering factory output and aggressive stimulus steps by the government. "I think the economy has passed the bottom and the recovery has begun in the current quarter," said Richard Jerram, chief economist at Macquarie Capital Securities in Tokyo. (AP)

Haiti

Former US President Bill Clinton has been named by the UN as its special envoy to Haiti, to boost social and economic recovery in the Caribbean island. Clinton said he was honored to accept the position. He said he would work to help Haiti rebuild after last year's tropical storms which killed nearly 800 people and caused USD 1 billion in damage. Clinton helped raise funds for Haiti recently, and is seen as having an enduring interest in the country. Meanwhile, the challenge facing Haiti of achieving stability and economic recovery remains great, especially after a year of damaging setbacks, but the impoverished nation has seen significant progress in the last two years, the head of a UN team that visited the country said May 14. (BBC)

United States

hybrid car, Toyota Prius (picture from www.ecobusinesslinks.com)

US President Barack Obama has announced tough targets for new fuel-efficient vehicles in order to cut pollution and lower dependence on oil imports. Describing the move as "historic," Obama said the country's first-ever national standards would reduce vehicle emissions by about a third by 2016. The plan aims to replace overlapping rules on emissions and efficiency set by federal agencies and states. US carmakers and environmental groups have expressed support for the move. Under the proposed standards, manufacturers would be required to begin improving fuel efficiency by 5 percent a year from 2012. (BBC)

Venezuela

Venezuelan lawmakers are studying whether to limit profit margins on consumer goods in a bid to keep down the cost of living, said Simon Escalona, a deputy in President Hugo Chavez's socialist party. A proposal under consideration by the National Assembly.s finance committee would limit profit on .primary needs. items, including rice and sugar, to between 3 percent and 4 percent, Escalona said, with any excess profit taken by the government. .We need to punish speculation,. Escalona said after a committee meeting. .Caracas became the world's most expensive city because some unscrupulous business people want to make more money.. (Bloomberg)

The biggest new displacement in the world until recently was in the Philippines, where 600,000 people fled fighting between the government and rebel groups in the southern region of Mindanao.

troops in Mindanao (BBC)

Now it's Pakistan, with the displacement brought on by fighting in the north-west region between government forces and the Taliban militia. International agency Oxfam said May 20 that it has had to double its aid effort in Pakistan as the number of displaced goes over 2 million, making the crisis the greatest internal displacement of people in the country's history.

now that's a life

2009-05-21T14:29:00.002+08:00

My friend shared this link to me when I came for a visit.

http://cheryldiazmeyer.com

surprising new find

2009-05-21T09:41:00.005+08:00

Now that I'm officially relieved from any obligation from my previous company, or so I think...yahooo!!... I suddenly had this newfound excitement for studying again...

I actually tell people that I'll never set foot in a classroom again coz I think I have an ADHD or something...

I'm gonna study as much as I can from now on. hohoho! I still have miscellaneous courses lined up and calling for my much needed action.

I just hope I get to do them all...

June would be funtabulous with my relatives going home from US...yey! Planning a getaway for my Centrum gang as well. (I do hope they get their leaves...), getaway with my ex-officemates and forever friends, plus the much needed dinner with DD! (ehem, hahaha).

AND KRIS ALLEN WON AMERICAN IDOL! YAHOOO!

Giving up another piece of the past

2009-05-20T05:36:00.004+08:00

I got a weird text message from a friend last week saying that our school was already sold to the owners of the nearby mall. I have yet to prove that rumor but it feels weird that all our good memories will now be under whatever new establishment would soon rise there.

I actually regret going to that school academically, since I felt like it didn't really stimulate my brain cells well enough all the time. But experience wise, I met interesting people and gained unforgettable moments.

In that place, I become a normal student for a change(I had a sorta bibo childhood phase, which is another story for another time), I became a one-time bigtime band vocalist (which is still a sakit sa bangs moment if I recall it), a sorta badminton player (who never got to play legally, just during practices), a class treasurer, an occasional "stalkee" (haha), and an unwilling "muse" who was described as a curly haired girl but sported a straightened hair during prom night(that was funny really), and I wouldn't trade those moments for anything else despite the horror really, except at some point when I realize that my English started deteriorating that time.

This definitely says that life is indeed changing...and no matter how much we want to hold on to the past, we can't... so as Limp Bizkit's song says "keep rollin rollin rollin rollin.."

update on the rumor soon...

Silent movement

2009-05-20T05:15:00.005+08:00

Getting back on track (meaning watching news on TV again) I saw a news bit on a group that made a new movement, the Silent Movement. They vowed to vote wisely while not hopping on the stereotypical political fiasco that is Philippine politicking.

I for one believe in the power of silence in times of crisis. A problem is solved when you do it without bantering.

However, silence can also mean apathy. Rather than getting involved, you stay silent letting louder people brainwash other minds.

So how do we make sure that people would do their part despite the silence?
We just pray and trust, no matter how hard that is.

what now?

2009-05-20T03:42:00.007+08:00

what do you know, I'm awake again and its 4am...I'm becoming a graveyard person... anyhow... random thoughts

Finally, my last focus story is out...so I don't have anything more to think about, but I have yet to submit my requirements for clearance later...if I get up early enough...what a huge relief! Thank You Lord!

My main worry at the moment is what now?

I haven't really gotten to the part of looking for the next job since I'm still focused on completing my requirements from my previous work. My logic was I don't want to enter something new when I'm still not finished from my previous work, the same reason why I didn't bother looking for a job despite knowing that I would leave soon. It's just surreal since I give all my time to what I'm doing that it won't make sense and its too exhausting. When I entered my previous company, my boss asked one thing from me, commitment to my work and I did just that. When you are committed, you do not look around, prancing about for new opportunities, you stick to what you have until you get it done. People would have wanted me to be pirated by other companies or look for other options while idling away, and I understand that for practicality... but I need a clean slate, not a quick getaway.

What now?

Now that i'm almost out... I'm actually much more confused but I have this vague career path in my head.

Not to mention the hard time of facing people nowadays answering perennial post resignation questions like "where are you working now?" or "what's new?". I do appreciate the concern but sometimes, it gets too overwhelming, so please understand that this is sort of a hibernation mode for me...its never easy to think about your life plan let alone be exposed to the same old environment when you want to break out of it.

I also have bullet points to guide me.

*A five-day, 8-hour job - Having flexible time before was a big advantage but I figured, It's not really as liberating as I managed it. I just want to have that feeling that when I step out of the office I am no longer working like everybody else. And also I want to go home at peace without traumatizing calls and texts.
* A Saturday and a Sunday off - I want to study and spend time with my family during weekends where I am not only physically but also emotionally and mentally around.
* non-working holidays - I want to experience long weekends, every bit of it, even though I don't get paid double.
* a salary I can live with - fair enough to still be able to support my getaways and my hobbies and for spoiling people once in a while.
* perks and benefits - I hope its as generous as my previous job.
* an environment I can grow in and learn more and I get to meet all kinds of people.
* won't give me much "heartburn" - after learning that I have MVP, I value my health more already coz I haven't done much daredevil acts for this lifetime, I want to and I have to be healthy for that.

With that, here's my plan:

I want to enter foreign service ever since college and I'm trying to get into that first...I still don't know if I'm suited for it and if it still makes sense going for it after failing FSO last year, but I do hope like surprisingly having been a news writer despite the much needed background, I'll be able to ride that "wave" soon (banking too much on confidence and willpower here).

Plan B is advertising, C is anything art related. Plan D is still media but more on the lighter side of life: arts and travel.

However, as much as possible, I'm gonna steer clear from any work that would require me to write to my wits' end, not until I get my groove back coz I seriously drained all my brain cells the last time.

While I'm looking for my potential job I'll stay in hopefully more than a year, I'm thinking of studying any language, driving, and photography while having a sideline to pay for my bills and for my parents' comfort. If I'm lucky enough, I'd probably get into a business.

I vowed to repair my life until I'm 25 and that's two years from now. I really can't do a long term thing coz I'm such a spontaneous person, but hopefully, my outright decisions once in a while would still get me to where I want to be a few years from now. By then I should be in a sort of "dream job" and I should have caused a step up for most of my passions.

Also next year, my mom's going to retire already so I want to put up a business with her and my dad so they'll both have something worthwhile to do, alongside leisure hopefully.

A sort of a long term would probably this: I remembered my sister said that a person should have made his or her first million before hitting 30 years old, otherwise, he or she won't make a million for the rest of his or her life anymore. I know for some that's stupid but I'm also factoring that in... Before thirty I should have made a million pesos or whatever currency, a million smiles, a million good deeds and a million experiences.

But above all, I leave everything to God and I really pray that my dreams make sense and that He would agree that it is the right thing for me. Of course I understand that along the way, things will change and I may or may not get the life I'm trying to shape...However, whatever He thinks is right, He will give and I trust Him enough for that. I'll get there... (and you too, if you share the same principle)
So Lord, lead me wherever You feel is right.

There's really a whole new and big world out there...and I can't wait to get out again. "Thoughts to Things" mode forever! :D

Smile for a Cause

2009-05-19T14:49:00.003+08:00

Donate a smile for the benefit of UNICEF

With the introduction of Smile Shutter™ technology on Sony Ericsson Cyber-shot phones, Sony Ericsson brings everyone a unique opportunity to smile for an important cause. Sony Ericsson embarks on a campaign to collect a million smile photos to raise a million pesos for UNICEF, and spread the smiles all over the Philippines, if not to all corners of the globe.

One million photos collected through Smile Booths in selected SM Malls, in Smiles Zones in Sony Ericsson Experience Shops, and through smiles4unicefphils@gmail.com would earn UNICEF P1 million pesos.

Additionally, for a P20 donation, a donor will be entitled to a Digiprint photo printout, a spot on the Smile Wall, and a raffle ticket to win a Sony Ericsson C510 Cyber-shot phone.

By simply smiling, you can spread the smiles and raise a million for our children from now until June 30, 2009.

Donating a smile

There are three venues for your smile donations to Spread The Smiles:

Sony Ericsson Experience Shops – Try new Sony Ericsson phones in shops across the country and say cheese at the shop’s Smile Zone. Get a good look and feel for the latest Sony Ericsson handsets, get a demonstration of Smile Shutter and other amazing imaging features. Then strike a pose and smile for a cause.

Sony Ericsson Experience Shops are located in:

Cyberzone, SM City North EDSA
Cyberzone, SM Megamall
SM Mall of Asia
Robinsons Galleria
Robinsons’ Place Ermita, Manila
Greenbelt 1, Makati
Digital Exchange, Glorietta 3
Trinoma Mall
Ayala Center , Cebu
Cyberzone, SM City Cebu
SM Pampanga, Angeles City
Gaisano Mall, Davao City
NCCC Mall, Davao City
Limketkai Mall, Cagayan de Oro City
SM Marikina
SM City Bacolod
SM City Davao

Smile Booths at SM Malls – Visit a participating SM Mall on selected dates and check out the Smile Booths. Nine SM Malls will feature a Smile Booth where you can have your smiles captured with Sony Ericsson phones. A PhP 20 donation will get you a Digiprint copy while you wait, a spot on the Smile Wall, and a raffle coupon to win the new Sony Ericsson C510 Cyber-shot phone.

Smile Booths at SM Malls will be located in:

SM North EDSA (The Block) – May 13 to May 31, 2009
SM Mall of Asia - May 14 to May 27, 2009
SM Megamall (Building A) - May 15 to May 31, 2009
SM Cebu - June 2 to June 7, 2009
SM Davao - June 2 to June 7, 2009
SM Iloilo - June 2 to June 7, 2009
SM Pampanga - June 9 to June 15, 2009
SM Baguio - June 9 to June 15, 2009
SM Manila - June 9 to June 15, 2009

Email – You may donate smiles to smiles4unicefphils@gmail.com. Upload your digital smile photos and tell us a little about the smiles behind them. Invite friends and family to be part of the Smile Squad and give a smile for the children.

Smile Walls

Smile Walls will be in Sony Ericsson Experience Shops and in Smile Booths at SM Malls.A giant Smile Wall will rise at the SM North EDSA Sky Garden Bridgeway that will show the smiles collected from all over the country.

Help raise a million smile photos to raise a million pesos for our children.

-obtained from facebook

insomnia strikes

2009-05-19T03:30:00.004+08:00

I can't sleep due to sickness... so I'll just answer this "for adults only" survey in facebook let's see how serious this can get...

tired of all of those surveys made up by high school kids? here are questions for the people who are a little older...

1. what bill do you hate paying the most? – I actually enjoy paying bills, it makes me feel more responsible. (I really don't care about money if I have...if I don't I'll care a little..ahaha)

2. do you miss being a child? – actually, now that I think about it, no.

3. chore you hate the most? – hanging clothes to dry.gawd...

4.where was the last place you had a romantic dinner? – probably just intimate...and I still can't remember...

5. if you could go back and change one thing what would it be? – Most of the time I think of changing some decisions I had, but when I evaluate things now, I think it was meant to happen...I deserve everything, every hurt and joy.

6. name of your first grade teacher? – ms. llaneta

7. what do you really want to be doing right now? – I actually want to sleep already its 3:30 am and I know after some years my insomnia days will get the best of me.

8. what did you want to be when you were growing up? - I wanted to be a scientist then an artist, and then a lot of things... but what I really want to be is a good person who can cause a good change once in a while, whatever job I have.

9. what was your post secondary education? – BA Development Studies

10. why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now? – its comfy.

11. what are your thoughts on gas prices? – i havent really read anything oil related recently due to my debriefing mode...but as oil companies say its a deregulated environment and the rise of oil prices are just a reflection of efforts to revive the economy. It's actually hard to say what's a fair price since its a business too so I think they do deserve some profit too. I think I'll be able to understand the sentiments of consumers when I pay for gas or diesel already.

12. first thought when the alarm went off this morning? – that's the good thing, I don't think about anything these past few days, I should in the coming days though.

13. last thought before going to sleep last night? – I wonder if I can have a wedding like Juday and Ryan's.

14. which famous person would you like to have dinner with? – Bono or Ellen (that would be hilarious).

15. have you ever crashed your vehicle? - maybe, we'll see...but I hope not.

16. if you didn't have to work, would you volunteer? – yes!

17. get up early or sleep in? – get up early

18. what is your favorite cartoon or children's tv show character? – little lulu

19. favorite thing to do at night? – soundtrip

20. when did you first start feeling old? - when I left my job in the midst of a recession, before...not doing anything is accepted since I'm still in school, but now, I feel guilty.

21. favorite lunch meat? – anything

22. what do you get every time you go into wal-mart? – I hate groceries.

23. do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? – nope

24. favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out that you watch over and over and over? - any cartoon flick

24a. favorite movie(s)? – so many

25. what's your favorite drink? – water

26. who[m] from high school would you like to run in to? - anyone from school but I do hope my fourth year classmates and high school friends...havent seen them for ages

27. what radio station are you tuned into? – dzmm

27a what do you listen to in your car? – I usually have my player with me so I have my own tunes.

28. sopranos or desperate housewives? - desperate housewives

28a. favorite television series? - gossip girl

29. favorite musical? - the ballet musical of Darna we watched before in CCP

30. worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back? - being too insensitive to others and not expressing my feelings, which in turn makes me take people for granted unintentionally...to name a few, but I do hope I'm way away from that...

31. do you like the person who sits directly across from you at work? - before? everyone's ok with me.

31a. how well do you get along with your coworkers? – good, we cheer each other to boost our ailing morales.

32. have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher or fire hose for its intended purposes? – haven't

33. last book you finished reading? – For One More Day

34. do you have a teddy bear? – gave it all away

35. strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth? - what?

36. do you go to a church? - I actually do but not to hear mass though just for a "chat" with God

37. how old are you? - 23

38. do you like where you live? – I actually want to move out of this place its too relaxed..ahaha

38a. where would you ideally like to live? – my dream is in Portofino in Alabang (nice italian villa..oh yeah) but The Fort or somewhere in Ortigas would probably be ok too or somewhere along Edsa.

39. how do you let someone know you`re not interested? – I do it nicely.

40. how do you let someone know you are interested? –I do something out of the ordinary

It is quite serious, except for some questions...

gagawa na tayo ng paraan

2009-05-19T02:53:00.005+08:00

kung ayaw may dahilan, kung gusto parating merong paraan...gumawa na lang tayo ng paraan.

- Antukin by Rico Blanco

sa dinami daming kamalian, natuto na maging maparaan, wala nang ayawan.peksman.

"thoughts to things" mode on

from Bo's blog

2009-05-19T00:48:00.004+08:00

The Two Things You Need To Be Successful

You can’t be successful in life without these two essential things:

Giftedness and Godliness.

Let me define them for you.

Giftedness is the ability to turn thought into things;

Godliness is the ability to use that giftedness to serve.

Giftedness is being like God in his skills;

Godliness is being like God in his service.

Giftedness is being like God in his power;

Godliness is being like God in his love.

Giftedness is charisma; Godliness is character.

You can be successful with giftedness alone, but success will be short-lived and isolated in one or two areas of your life. For real success that spans your whole life, you need giftedness and godliness.

-BO SANCHEZ

maybe this is the reason why I feel excited despite turning away from a good job a month ago...I know I'm meant to do things in a way much more suitable for me,hopefully...

chain

2009-05-17T23:55:00.003+08:00

From hearing to singing...

Broken Strings - James Morrison (Feat. Nelly Furtado)

Let me hold you
For the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can't feel anything

When I love you
It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking
It's the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real

Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before

Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When it's too late

Oh it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real

Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before

But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late

You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real

Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before
Oh and I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last change to feel again

Pahiyas

2009-05-17T10:11:00.009+08:00

Bucket List
* attend at least one local festival

May 15 was Pahiyas Day for me and my dad.

We opted to to take a bus (Jam Liner in Cubao) bound to Lucena in Quezon and a huge jeepney to get to the town of Lucban (I read that traffic during Pahiyas is the worst and that would have been hell for driving so during that moments, leave it to the bus driver).

I have to say it's like the longest roadtrip I had after a while (nothing beat's all-dayer Ilocos). Fares cost P218 each for the bus, P30 each for the jeepney. The trip lasted for three hours, thank gawd for the early morning view of Mt. Makiling and Banahaw.

Lucban is a quiet little town. It feels weird that the houses were small but it doesn't feel crowded at all like Vigan.

I must have missed all the festivities (we got out of Manila around 5:30 am or 6am, I suggest a much earlier departure) coz we only got to see the decorated houses.

We also tried the Pansit Lucban or popularly called "habhab" which you must eat without utensils. Killing the experience though, my dad got too excited and ordered one in Mustiola's, an old style restaurant, instead of the cheaper version on the street which was only P7 for each order. Mustiola's version costs P70 but good for at least 4 people.

Also a must try is Lucban's longganisa, I find it much better than Vigan's.

small variety sells for P65 while the big ones sell for around P130 (I don't know if that's per kilo though..)

A P30 ride on a tricycle also got us to Kamay ni Hesus Healing Center.

It's like a grotto (it probably is). We wanted to go up the huge Jesus Christ Statue but my dad and I both have vertigo, and there won't be anyone to save us, so we just stayed on the ground.

Going home was the worst, since SLEX= heavy and I mean HEAVY traffic and for that I'm so loving living in the North. It took us four hours plus the bus kept stopping.

But I must say, I'll come back again and visit other sites in Quezon (Viaje del Sol anyone?)

PAHIYAS PICTURES

It's good to know

2009-05-16T18:27:00.005+08:00

that there is also another person who thinks she'll grow old and alone but not without partying all the way to her prime years.

Cheers to Kat Von D!

- I however am not sure what year was the LA Ink I saw when she said that, she might have a change of heart by now (read she's dating Nikki Sixx of the Motley Crue).

and guys, please let me and Kat savor that thought as good as it lasts...its the thought that counts after all... haha

what's up last week

2009-05-16T10:43:00.002+08:00

For One More Day

Have you ever lost someone you love and wanted one more conversation, one more chance to make up for the time when you thought they would be here forever? If so then you can go your whole life collecting days and none will outweigh the one you wish you had back.

What if you got it back?

In time for Mother's Day (May 10), I read Mitch Albom's For One More Day.

The story is about a son who had an accident and a near-death experience which was able to give him another chance to make amends with his mother,who died earlier, and will help his own family as well.

Chick Benetto was a product of a broken family and a patriarchal society. Being a guy, he worked so hard to please his father despite the fact that the latter abandoned them. The way he went out of his way to please his father, to the expense of his mother, Posey, and his own family will make you realize that sometimes or oftentimes we take for granted things we already have since we hold on tight to the things we think we will lose or those wealready lost but trying hard to regain.

It also showed how separated women at that time (50's) handled the pressure from society (for men its an opportunity, for women, fellow women who are separated are a threat).

I only heard of near-death experiences with some dead loved one "picking up" their dying relatives. Mr. Albom's approach to that possibility was more than the blinding light mode. It was as if Posey came back to life to help Chick and as if Chick was invincible despite his many wounds from the car accident and water tower jump which he somehow miraculously survived.

I would love to give a synopsis but I believe the story is a giveaway already that in the end, Chuck will live and will be able to restore his life thanks to that one day with his mom.

Music:

I have recently dug the soundtrack of the computer game Beach Life. It's like Sims but you'll have to manage a resort or island or something, I forgot. Anyhow, the music is great for reading (I like to read with instrumental music on the background, it makes me more focused) and clearing your mind.

Viva Lasagna (Pizza Hut)
Pizza Hut's attempt to have the pizza and lasagna in one bite (Viva Lasagna) failed. It doesn't have that lasagna feel. Garfield will definitely not approve.

Go Kris

2009-05-16T10:19:00.003+08:00

I never really rooted for anyone whenever I get to watch American Idol since it won't matter coz I'm not an American. Anyhow, I have to admit that thought was history when I saw Kris Allen perform Kanye West's Heartless.

I adore Kanye and I love Heartless and the animated video. But Kris' version is just breathtaking.

Heartless - Kris Allen

Mr. West's version for comparison

Heartless (Remastered) - Kanye West

I want him to win, I've had it with Adam's screamo style.